Tonight I had to do something I do not like to do, or more to the point , was asked to to do something that really bothers me. But I have to give such Gracie and thanks to my Son James and my lover Ron.
I have always had trouble with being in social situations with groups of people’s, unless it is an event I plan and in a place that I can control and be comfortable. My director often has social events at her home and I have never attended. My director recently mentioned it to me that I have not attended.
I decided to do what I could to attend. All day my supervisor texted me and gave me written support. My director told me if I felt I couldn’t do it she would under stand if I had to not come.
I made it but was having anxiety at a high level. James and Ron took me there. My director and all the management staff made a point to make my time at the party as well as possible. I was like a long tailed cat in a room of rocking chairs. I was with people I like, and enjoy being with, but in a strange home and it was very unsettling.
Everyone was great, but the longer I was there, the more upset I got, the more my heart raced. My blood pressure was way up. I have to give my supervisor Karen lots of love, she made sure I had food to eat and soda to drink. Sandra, my director was so kind to me, and so was all the management staff. After several hours there I was starting to get into big trouble. My heart was racing, I was so uncomfortable and wanted just to leave. But Ron was in his element and having such fun, and every one loved James…I just couldn’t just ask them to leave…even if I had to struggle to stay longer.
But what I did not know..and the real reason for the this post…I am so lucky and my life is really great. Tonight James and Ron kept a watch one me, taking turns to make sure I was OK. Every time I felt in trouble James was there to make it OK…When people crowded around me, James kept watch to make sure I was doing alright. Ron kept getting me food or soda as I wanted, but after eating, as I felt more threatened I lost the ability to drink…I kept moving farther a way from people and trying to keep it together, and failing.
So what I did not know is this…as I was struggling, James has decided it was time to get me out of there…and Ron came to sit beside me as he noticed I had gotten very pale.
So I am lucky, I am a bunny who has problems, and is having nightmares and stuff to deal with. But I am not dealing with them alone. Not only do I have Ron to hold me and protect me, but now I have James, who is my son and a young man I am very proud of, who has taken it on himself to also look after me and protect me. James is bigger than me, and stronger and if I felt threatened, I am sure he could physically protect me. That gives me a great sense of security and a feeling of both being loved and not so scared. I am worried I should never have to put him into that situation, and I wont ever ask him to, but it is nice to know tonight when I was starting to get past where I could handle it, there was my son to lean on , and who was looking out for his dad.
So I went to the party, everyone was grand, I did as much as I could, and then Ron and James brought me home. Home is where I am comfortable and happy…with my family. Many Hugs