Scotties Toy Box

October 12, 2012

The other side of the story

Filed under: News — Scottie @ 18:47

Just a short note.  In a recent post I mentioned my anger at Ron.  But let me tell you the other side of the coin.  This morning I woke up before Ron, my med’s had worn off and I couldn’t stand to lay in bed, even with the loving Milo wanting to hug and cuddle.

I got Milo to move off me, and levered my self up.  Ron was still sleeping and I wanted him to be able to still do that…but when I get up Milo thinks he needs to talk to me, tell me everything he held in all night.

I will skip the details of my getting dressed and shushing Milo..except to say I had no ability to bend my back and my right leg was dragging, refusing to move normally.  To walk I had to brace my left leg, and then swing my right leg forward like a pole where I could put weight on it.

About this time your thinking..”oh Gods, Scottie is complaining and asking for pity”.   Sorry, not where this is going.  I love my life, good and bad and I see so many people in such worse conditions than I , that no way would I complain.

So I managed to make the morning coffee, take the trash bags to the end of the driveway , feed and water the loving Milo, and clean his box, all before Ron got up.   Ron was going out to get groceries and supplies, and asked if I would make a sauce.  I said yes…

Now here is my point.  The other day I was so angry I was ordering Ron out of the room before I got out of bed to do battle…yet today as I went to do the sauce Ron wouldn’t even let me lift the crock pot.  Then when I got it all made and almost fell on the floor trying to keep going he hugged me, told me how important I was to him, and ordered me to lay down….He has stirred the sauce, made the pasta, and even folded the laundry I was doing…all with a happy heart and telling me how grand I am…I am…not really.  He has been and always will be my “Knight in shining armor” .

But that is passion, and thankfully we have it.  He has already talked to me about work tomorrow and doesn’t want me to over do…like I would do that …LOL

Anyway my point is we love..and for good or bad, we have  grand times and bad times and times in between.    Right now I am beat.  I did what I could to make a great dinner, but now I am resting while doing the laundry..and thinking how grand my life is.

Hugs

2 Comments »

  1. Hello Scottie,
    I have been reading your life event comments for the past several days without commenting. But, after reading today’s post, I find myself
    being very concerned for your physical health. As for the other issues between you and Ron, we all have these things happen, and usually in spite
    of our anger and lack of consideration, our partners are able to forgive and forget. But, you have been describing issues with your physical well being
    which are of great concern to me (and i am sure to others). As you are comparitily young, your body can usually return to stability. But, this may not be
    the routine for much longer in my view. Okay I am not a doctor. But, I have live 77 years and through a lot of shit physically. If your body is reacting
    the way you describe, you need to SERIOUSLY consider some type of disability retirement. I do not know what your current employer provides, or if
    you could qualify under some other government program, but my friend, you cannot continue going like you have been for much longer. You are not superhuman, my friend. And your recent anxieties and moods reflect your physical struggles. Please take my advice seriously and see if there is not
    some way you can get a disability retirement. You need it for your own well being as well as for that of your family.
    Your friend,
    –carlitos

    Hello Carlitos. I am very flattered that you care so much. Yes Ron and I have weathered great times, bad times, and times when we were angry with each and there are times when we are so deeply into each other it almost seems we breath as one. Have no fear, I for one never stay angry for long. Plus Ron is always rational.

    To my health, lets see if I can address some of the issues you mention, and the answers may surprise you. First I would never knock life experiences nor would I your knowledge gained over time. Yes my body is taking longer and longer to recover, and I tired faster and easier, however I also take far more enjoyment in my daily activities. My work ones included.

    As part of my employee benefits I pay for both short term and long term disability. Last year you may remember I reduced my normal work hours from four days to three. That was because one of my doctors told me to either reduce my hours and work load or stop working entirely. I have already been told by my doctors that I qualify for disability and while they can’t guarantee anything in the legal world, they feel I am very assured to be granted disability by the government.
    After all, I was in a wheel chair for over 2 years, have an artificial hip and have multiple fragmenting, decaying bones, Have now 8 damaged vertebra and disc material between them. The damage range from beginning stages to quite severe. Add to that the muscle damage , some coming from my body trying to compensate for the bone damage, some from something they have not yet identified. Add to that I am very allergic, suffer from immune problems, frail vascular health, rapid heart rate, and now this dang anemia. Oh add high blood pressure from pain and other things….well you get point.

    Simple fact is both I am frail in some respects and suffering from some painful and serious health issues…most of which can’t kill me. Most can just make me wish I was unable to feel pain or some days maybe that I was someone else. Now as to what you mentioned about my temperament and your right. My pain levels, and other ways I feel, plus the many medications I take to help me, all tend to mess up my moods and make me more violable than I have in the past.

    Carlitos, now the important part. Everyone has pain, everyone has problems, and everyone has issues to deal with. But unlike most people I have so many grand and great things in my life to balance the bad. I have an incredible love in my life, and the most wonder spouse. I have a grand son, and a wonderful cat. I have a job I really enjoy and love. I can make a difference and I have the ability to connect to the PT’s and their families. I have gained the respect of my co-workers and have found out that management really cares about me. I make a lot of people happy.

    So while it hurts me a lot to do what I do, I really love it. I figure I will do this as long as I still get so much out of it, and can still do it. Disability is great for those who have no choice and I support that program. However I also know that disability is a dead end, and I have far too much life left, life to do, to go toward a dead end. many hugs

    Comment by carlitos — October 12, 2012 @ 19:42

    • Good Monday morning Scottie,
      Thanks so much for your lengthy and informative response. It does help me to understand where you are on many fronts. I can see you are aware of
      your issues and are dealing with them positively. I have to admit that to me it seems you have been through hell and back with your body. Even so, you don’t dwell on those things and take the pity me route. You are indeed fortunate to have ron and James in your life. It is obvious that you all care deeply about each other. As you know, there are many, many in this world who are not that fortunate. Well, enough said. You know that I have long since decided that you are one of the people in my life that i care about, so I can’t help but commiserate with you and offer you the “benefit” of my advice. ; – ).
      On another matter, I know you don’t often have time to access Amar’s blog, the 17 yr. old from England who lives and goes to school in Amsterdam. But,
      He is currently in the hospital (as of last Friday), getting blood transfusions, and chemo treatments for his cancer. Things don’t look all that rosy for him right now.
      Also, I will send you a few things by email to post on your site if you choose.
      Stay strong, amigo.
      –carlitos

      Hello Carlitos. One of the best things about my blog is that I get to meet people like you. Please keep thinking about me and being concern, we all need that some times. Yes please send stuff you think would be good to post, I am way behind on my email right now, but I have four days off coming up, which should let me catch up. The worse thing right now is my health and medications issues are making me less than even tempered at home. Which is not like me, and I have to readjust as it is not the way I want to be or kind to Ron. But yes I am aware of all the choices available to me, but making the right choices are hard. I know if I go on disability I will get more rest, but will stop being able to live the life I want to live. As for Amar, I am sorry about his health, I will keep him in my thoughts. Many hugs

      Comment by carlitos — October 15, 2012 @ 11:47


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