Scotties Toy Box

October 6, 2012

end of the rope, according to Ron

Filed under: My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 19:02

Sorry I have not been on line much.   Last Saturday at work I put out so much energy I was unable to function after I got relieved   I stumbled down the hall to the break room and simply collapsed into a chair and put my head on the table and went out.

Ron came in and tried to tall to me.  he then told me to go clock out and he would meet me on the fourth floor where he clocks out.  What I did not know is he went to the resource nurses in their office on the fourth floor and told them I couldn’t come to work on Sunday.  They do the staffing, so they agreed to call me off the next morning.  I did not know this until we got home and if I could have worked up the energy I would have been upset and steamed and insisted on going to work in the morning.   In the am after I got showered I got the call to stay home.  Later I found out why.

Thursday we had all heck break out.  We had a full unit and had to close it.  Suddenly and frantically while still doing everything else.   Most of our PT’s went to the floor, but several went to a small stand by unit that normally Ron runs.  He got it opened and I ran my butt off , doing my normal stuff, doing orders and now had to move out a whole unit, some to floors and some to Ron.

There were problems but we overcame.  Not the point of the post.  After I got the last one moved I guess I looked really bad.  I was very pale and fell several times.  I wanted to go down to Ron’s unit and help him but my charge made me sit in my chair…just sit there…Then when the resource nurse showed up I again tried to get into the action but she also made me sit at my desk in an empty unit.   What I did not know was I looked like heck…very pale, fast ragged breathing, hardly able to stand…Guess I was going down fast, I had used the last of my reserves.   So I spent a hour and a half resting in an empty unit “taking care of things here”.

I have spent two days doing nothing but resting and reading books that Randy got me interested in.  I laid in bed sleeping or just being until my back ached too bad and then sat in my desk chair with Milo in my lap…Milo has hardly left me.   he can be a bed hog though.

I have not felt up to even being on my computer.  I have not gone to blogs, read or written email  and I have not even read my normal daily cartoons.  I have no energy or interest sadly.   I do know management feels I did a great job under very difficult because they gave Ron a meal ticket to give to me and told him how well I did.

I hope tomorrow to get to my email, do some more posts, and go to all the wonderful web sites of those of you out there I love, Randy’s, Angel’s, Miles new one, and a few other.  For tonight I will simply post this and read some more.   Ron and James are cooking me a steak and bake potato supper.   I am already to just go back to sleep.  Ron wants me to stop working, thinks I have aged a lot in the last year and half.  I admit I am tired, but I will work through it, I like what I do..

Ron told me the nurses stood up for me at a recent meeting where they tried to put more duties on me.  They said no way I could possibly do more or handle any more work.  Management tried to say the nurses had Secretary’s to help them do the extra job and the nurse rebelled and said “Scottie can’t possible do any more than he does and it wont work.  No one could do all that and this also. ”

Ron thinks my body wont handle many more years of this.  I have several offices asking me for resumes and I have given one office my information on the understanding I will work for them only when not in my loved SICU.   Ron was very unhappy I did so, he thinks I can’t work extra days.  But Christmas is coming , everything is more expensive  and I want Ron and James to have a good Christmas.

I can do it, I am not that old or run down.  I just need some rest, some respite from my pain.      I guess it is love that keeps me going.

My best and most wonderful loving thoughts to each of you.   Hugs


  1. I want to slap you right now and not for pleasure.James and Ron will have a wonderful christmas if you are there to celebrate. Material thngs do not mean anything to them if you are too ill and not there to see christmas. YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO RON. We need you here to proive the pep talks and the support that you provide. Kent is at GCM . He had a mild MI yesterday needs stents put in tomorrow. Hugs

    Hello Patty. Thanks for the pep talk. Your grand. Hugs


    Comment by Patty — October 7, 2012 @ 12:34

  2. Hi Scottie;
    I’ve gotten far too old to handle 12 hour shifts and especially not at those speeds. But, then you young’uns down there…… Sometimes, my friend, I am so glad that you work in a hospital.

    Please take care of yourself.

    Hello Randy. I am OK, just tired today. I spent most of my weekend reading, but yesterday helped Ron tear all the floor up in the bedroom. So I over did. Spending today reading. Hugs


    Comment by randy — October 7, 2012 @ 19:32

  3. Scottie, you must stop worrying about buying presents for Ron and James, the best present you can give them is to stay healthy so you can give them the love they deserve. Please take care of your self!

    Hello Bern, thanks for caring about me, but I am worried about making sure James has a great Christmas. After all he is my son and I am really new at this dad stuff. Hugs


    Comment by Bern Schroeder — October 8, 2012 @ 11:18

  4. You have got to look out for yourself too. You are more important than any gifts you may give at Christmas. The best gift you could give them is being healthy so they don’t have to worry so much about you. I hope you get better soon.

    Hello Doug. Your right I guess. Hugs


    Comment by Doug — October 8, 2012 @ 13:59

  5. Scottie, it’s not a matter of your too old, our bodies will and can only take so much regardless of how much our mind’s and heart’s want them to push on just that little bit longer, to fight just that little bit harder for just a little while longer, sometimes our bodies simply say ‘well hey you, I am not going to keep letting you push me to my limits or past them any more, you will rest’ as our bodies take over and we are left with no choice but to conform, and rest.
    Trust me I have and do push it past the limits and like you I find my body saying one thing and my brain trying to push my body into doing another.
    There comes a time, when we have to give in and rest our bodies, after all they are only the vehicle that we are having a loan of whilst we are mere mortals here on earth, and yes they do age, and yes they do get worn out, and sadly we don’t want them to do either of the two things, but the reality is, they will give up on us when they can no longer keep going.
    Your better off having a rest now, than fucking yourself up totally in a few weeks time.
    (excuse that word) but you know me, I am not one to sugar coat things. 😉
    Big ((hugs)) honey, chin up, things will improve, even though right now they feel pretty shit.


    Hello Angel. I love your words of encouragement. The fact is I can still put out the energy, build the fire when I need to. I just take longer to recharge after expending that energy. I really don’t mind growing older, I just find that right now I some times just take the easier road, sit and rest, or let others charge ahead. Of course I have to be careful also, I am fighting now just ageing, ( and doing so with grace and humor )but fighting a life long frailty of bones, and and other health issues. Also it maybe that this is just a low ebb for me, and maybe I will rebound with greater energy or vigor. Many Hugs.


    Comment by Angel O'Fire — October 8, 2012 @ 18:02

  6. Guten Morgen Scottie,

    Here we have the mess – you’re worried about Christmas, even though you’re Athesist yet.
    For me, Christmas is a day like any other.
    I have many years ago agreed with my family that we should not give each other.
    For me, Christmas is the negative example of the hypocrisy and shows the true ugly face of capitalism.
    Based on the former GDR terminology I call Christmas the “year end gifts exchange” (Jahresende-geschenketausch)
    In the GDR, an angel was named as: “Year End wings doll”. (Jahresende-flügelpuppe)

    Therefore you worry about your health – all material things are secondary.
    Ich wünsche Dir rasche Genesung

    Hello Nikki. I think you misunderstand my interest in Christmas. I have no religious feelings toward the holiday at all. I leave that to those neighbor’s of mine who put signs in the yards that say ” Put Christ back in Christmas”! No my interest, my wish for this day or time is the joy of simply giving to those I love, seeing their joy, looking at the pretty lights and having our own decorations. I am in this for a flashy, pretty, wonderful family Christmas….regardless of what day we end up doing it on. Ron and I will most likely have to work that day as will James, so we may do ours early or later in the week. I guess I want the love of Family, not the love of a God. Many Hugs


    Comment by Nikki — October 9, 2012 @ 02:15

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