Scotties Toy Box

December 9, 2016

It is hard with the memories in my head. Sorry if this upsets you. I just needed to voice it. Hugs

Filed under: Harm, Health, History, My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 21:35

19 Comments »

  1. Oh Scottie, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Having chronic back pain myself, it just never seems to end. It’s been almost 40 years since I was injured. It’s really hard to function sometimes. People do care, you are a wonderful person. And quite the handsome chap I might add.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 21:43

    • Thank you wonderful lady. It is not just the physical pain, I can deal with that , I have most of my life. Right now I am struggling with the memories of my childhood and the abuse … You may not know because it is not something I like to share but I was physically and sexually abused in my childhood. I was adopted and it seems that I was a pawn in a game of ‘in your face” and I paid the price for it. My mind hurts this christmas. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 21:47

      • Oh no. I can’t even imagine. Have you sought treatment?

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 21:51

      • Physical.. yes, I live with the damage done to my body every day. Mentally not so much. Tried hard to make it on my own, who wants to admit this kind of stuff. My doctors know and they try to help. Ron has been my best and most important help. I took a lot of abuse and of so many years my protection was denial. When I couldn’t keep it buried any more I had to admit the damage and the past and I had to let others help me. It is a long , long time ago and I just want it to go away and stay buried where it once was. But sadly it won’t now, it bubbles up like swamp gas. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 21:57

    • Oh thank you for the complement. It is very nice of you and grand to hear. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 21:47

  2. Oh Scottie, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you a big hug. Be well my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 21:46

    • I will try. Thank you for the grand complement. some days I forget I am a big strong man now and not the small frail child I once was. No one would hurt me today, or they would face Ron , not to mention two loving and rather protective cats. Loves and hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 21:49

      • People can be so cruel. We never think the ones who are suppose to protect and care for us can do quite the opposite. There is a special place in hell for people like that.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 21:54

      • Maybe. But the “parents” are dead and beyond caring. The “siblings” who tormented the “one not of the family” are alive, but it has been 30 years since I had contact with them. Ron is my family, my rock, my center. I have to just get through one more day, one more night, stop the memories, stop my mind for just a little while to let me sleep. Be well. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 22:00

      • Hopefully those wretches live horrible lives. Thank goodness for Ron. He sounds like an angel.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 22:12

      • Ron saved me. I was headed to a deep dark place from which there is no return. I was imploding. After we met, fell in love, gave our lives to each other I started to heal. At first I couldn’t even sleep with Ron in my house. Then after a year I could sleep but Ron couldn’t enter the bedroom. Ron learned early not to touch me if I was sleeping as I exploded and tried to hurt anything I could reach. After a while I adapted and Ron was able to be in the bedroom and I didn’t mind, he was able to get close to me in sleep and I was OK. It just took me time to know he was not a threat to me. I never told Ron about my abuse until 20077. Then one day we were on our way home from a trip and it just came out, well parts of it. But Ron had already figured out most of it, not the specifics, just the way I acted and what scared me and stuff. He had figured I had been abused and raped, he just never knew the whole story. To this day I have not shared it all but I have most of it. . It still hurts. But he takes care of me, defends me, loves me. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 22:19

      • You are truly blessed then. We all need someone who cares for us.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by cornfedcontessa — December 9, 2016 @ 22:27

      • yes. I did , he saved my life and more important, gave me something to live for. That is the thing most don’t realise, it is not enough just to live, you have to have something, someone to live for. I have Ron. He gave for me, fought for me, and shielded, and held me. He healed me. I love him and he loves me. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 9, 2016 @ 22:30

  3. Would like to wish such cool days that those memories remain only as memories! Hug PedroL

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by pedrol — December 10, 2016 @ 00:50

    • Thank you good friend. They must remain memories, distant ones at that. Yet they will never be far from me I feel. No matter how I try. No matter the joy I give out, no matter the happiness I try to spread, those old horrid moldy hateful memories will be in the back of my mind trying to burst forth. It is my constant duty to never let them. I love the pictures you post, and the descriptions you give them. They take me to places I will never get to in my life, but with the pictures you post I can be there for just that little bit. Thank you. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 10, 2016 @ 01:00

      • I totally understand you.. even if you feel happy, you always know what happened before… In my opinion, I believe you should accept it as it happened and face it with your best smile… I know it´s hard but I also know you are strong enough to do it! hugs and good luck! PedroL

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by pedrol — December 11, 2016 @ 13:50

      • Thank you friend. I do try. My problem is the emotional ties to what happened, and for how long the abuse did continue. I have nightmares that are so vivid I can not go back to sleep, my mind replays the memories against my will. My body shakes in fear and anguish from nightmares and memories. But yes I agree, I do face it and I do have to live with it. I have to do my best to not let the past harm my future. I have a wonderful life now, a grand husband , food, warmth, shelter, love and so much more. Be well. Thanks for writing. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 11, 2016 @ 13:54

      • Good luck!!! I´m sure you´ll control it!!! regards 🙂 PedroL

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by pedrol — December 11, 2016 @ 14:08

      • Thank you. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Scottie — December 11, 2016 @ 14:09


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