Scotties Toy Box

November 30, 2017

I am glad you are happy today, sir.

Filed under: My Life and Rants, Reason — Scottie @ 11:00

I am starting to venture out in the van to do errands now that I can walk again and I am feeling better.    This morning I had planned to fill the van with gas for Ron as he works tonight, make a deposit in the bank , and then a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up some pork meats for supper the next three days.   

I left the house very happy, I felt good and felt free, independant.   I have not felt that way in a long time.  It is hard when you have to ask someone else for everything.   So I was in a good mood.

Filling the van with fuel went well, got right in and did it, got right back out.   The roads were pretty clear as it was after morning to work traffic but before morning shoppers.   

I got to the bank about ten after 9 and there was only employees and me so I went right up to the counter.  A wonderfully nice young woman began to help me with my deposit and I mentioned that I needed more deposit slips but no checks as I don’t use them.  She was working away on the things I needed and we were chatting about stuff.  

Then I heard an angry voice beller out “Hey knock it off you two , there are people waiting in line here”!   The tone was belligerent.    My temper began to soar. 

 I should explain something that most wouldn’t know about me.  I have a dangerous temper that when triggered I can lose the ability to calm back down and to rationally deal with a situation.  It is a defence mechanism from my abusive childhood.  Fight first, protect yourself first , regret it later if need be.   I do not like that, and over the last 27 plus years Ron and I have worked hard for me to be better able to deal with my childhood and to control the volcano eruptions of fury.

Feeling my angry rising and realizing I was very close to losing control I had to do something fast.  I had already spun around to see an older man fuming with two ladies behind him.   I locked eyes with the man and pulled my self in hard.  In the same volume of voice I replied to him ” Well hello to you also sir, so great to see someone else so happy this morning”.  Trying to keep my rage out of my voice and myself under control I continued.  “The lady is working, she is handling my transaction.”  “That OK with you, it is alright for me to get my stuff done right”?  The man started stammering and looking around.  The woman behind the counter spoke up and said she was working to assist someone.  I finished with “Now if it is OK with you I will continue with my banking needs and when the machines are done and the nice lady finished I will move on, in the meanwhile it is so wonderful to see someone so happy and joyous in this holiday season”!    

With that I turned back to the counter as I had myself under control again but I knew if the man started again or said something stupid I would totally lose control and one of us wouldn’t be happy at the end of it.   I continued chatting with the lady behind the counter as she worked and she gave me a big thank you smile.  

She finished and I thanked her and wished her a happy holiday and turned again to the man.  His face was very red and I could see he was seething, wanting to say something back to me.  I knew I would blow up if he said something rude or insulting.   So as I was turning I stopped and addressed him directly.  “And you have a very enjoyable rest of your day and a great season”!

At this point the lady behind the red faced man began to laugh and the woman behind her winked at me as I walked by her.   My good humor was restored and my bad temper firmly put away where it wouldn’t ruin mine or anyone else’s day.  I again felt good.  

One last note:   It is hard to see ourselves as others do, as we appear to those around us.    On my drive from the bank to the grocery store I got into a bit of traffic.  The problem was the van ahead of mine was wobbling in their lane and was driving slower than the speed limit.  The van kept hitting the brakes, dropping speed, then speeding up , then tapping the brakes again.    I started to get closer than I normally do hoping the person would get the hint to drive and not fart around.  As I start to mutter to myself, the face of the man in the bank came to my mind and I heard the anger in his voice again.   I Quickly checked myself and backed off, giving the van some space.  I realized I did not know if there was a problem, maybe a medical one, and I figured the person was not doing it to just irritate me on my nice day.   Shortly after the mystery was solved as the van was looking for a particular street and they did not seem to know the area.   

I hope everyone has a wonderful joyful day and a great season.   Hugs.

 

13 Comments »

  1. That was awesome! You pulled your anger in, and instead focused on using politeness (and humor) to defuse the situation. He might have been so annoyed because he sounded like he was trying to get a rise out of you, and you called him on his bullying, instead of yelling back or giving up. (Or maybe he was just having a crappy day, and had all kinds of errands to run, and had run out of patience two errands ago.)

    There’s a cognitive bias called the Fundamental Attribution Error: When we are thinking about why we are doing something ourself, it’s because of the immediate circumstances, like waiting for a computer, or trying to find a street. But when we think about why someone else is doing something annoying, we tend to attribute it to their character, i.e., that they are stupid or lazy or an asshole. We usually cut ourselves all kinds of slack, but don’t extend that to other people. You got past that today with the van driver, and that’s not an easy thing for most people to do. Go you!

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by Ubi Dubium — November 30, 2017 @ 11:33

    • Thank you. It has been a life time it seems to control that temper urge and to be a better person. I decided when I got out of the abusive house I grew up in I wouldn’t be the person that they tried to make me, instead I would be the person I wanted to be. But somedays it is a lot of work. Be well. hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — November 30, 2017 @ 11:36

  2. Great post, Scottie! Congrats on your response to the man (and the van) and maintaining your cool under stressful conditions. I think you taught all of us a lesson today.

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by Nan — November 30, 2017 @ 12:42

    • Thank you Nan. It has been a rather long road to learn new responses. But I do try as I want to be the person I want to be, and that is the best Scottie possible. Hugs

      Like

      Comment by Scottie — November 30, 2017 @ 12:45

  3. Good for you. Hats off! I have been cursed with the tongue and temper ( the tongue engaging before the brain) its a red head thing, not really but I have nothing else. Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by House of Heart — November 30, 2017 @ 20:22

  4. Wow I don’t believe it you with a temper wow I really would have never thought, so happy you didn’t let it get the better of you but most happy that gentleman wasn’t feeling bold, I have a feeling it wouldn’t have ended well

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Cory Melancon — December 1, 2017 @ 17:42

    • I agree, it wouldn’t have been good. The temper is a product of a very bad childhood and the work to tame it has been ongoing for 27 plus years. I look forward to the day when my temper is a distant memory. But it does come in useful. A couple years ago we had a situation one dark morning before dawn. A couple of drugging losers, a woman with a five year old boy and a man out of reality entered our lives for a while. The woman was running from the man with her child, he cornered her in our car port. I still needed my cane to stand or walk and had no left hip. However when I came out and seen her on the ground and him over her I lost it. Temper flared. I drove him off and the only part I remember was being face to face with him growling ” I will not have that here”! It took me a long time to calm back down again. Hugs

      Like

      Comment by Scottie — December 1, 2017 @ 17:49

      • In this instance, it sounds like displaying your temper was the best way to handle the situation. There’s a time for everything … or so says Mr. Ecclesiastes.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Nan — December 1, 2017 @ 19:06

      • Wowza question friend did it play any part in your military time, I can’t imagine a younger more angry Scottie would take a liking to getting screamed at in the face, but then again maybe you say it as discipline back then

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Cory Melancon — December 1, 2017 @ 19:38

        • It cost me a few stripes, apparently you are not supposed to tell your superiors what you think of them and their parents when you are angry. I was on a PT run one day and got a stitch in my side and a sergeant got in my face. I lost my temper and then my stripes. He never got in my face again though. However I was very good at what I did and there were few people who could do it, so I never paid too high a price. I got promoted again in a few months. But still I knew a life time in the military was not for me because I was mostly out and was safe in my unit but we got a new commander from infantry and he was not understand of the issue. I left when my second tour was up. Hugs

          Like

          Comment by Scottie — December 1, 2017 @ 19:45

  5. What a great lesson for us all to read this. I am so glad you shared it!
    When someone is driving very slowly my husband often reminds me of when he was involved in an incident where the slow driver was going into a diabetic coma!
    I also find myself happy and then can jump right into an awful rageful mood if I see a child being mistreated or yelled at. I was at dinner yesterday and this small child was being reprimanded for not walking fast enough and I wanted to yell at her so so badly a million things but the child was skipping and happy and I thought better of it and the moment passed

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by bethanyk — December 3, 2017 @ 13:03


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