Scotties Toy Box

August 13, 2019

Let’s talk about socially conditioned responses to domestic violence….

I think most of the people who come here know I was abused and lived in constant fear of the huge ( to a little boy and most men ) brute that terrorized my life.   But while I took the brunt of his abuse he also made clear his position to even his own brood.  He was the alpha in charge of the house and he would back it up with violence.  I seen him rip a door of the hinges to his daughters room because she pissed him off.  He did so by punching his fist right through the door.  

I want to point out that the video has a really good message.  If you really want to help the victim, get them out of the situation.  Many people in my little cow town knew I was being abused, and many offered what comfort they could.  But none of them tried to take me out of the abuse.  

Which leads me to the point Beau makes.  When I was about 13 or 14 I was working for a local family who had a basket weaving shop.  It was a big business.  The man who ran it was a 6 foot something ex-marine.   They were friends with my adoptive parents and had even bought me clothing when I really need it.  I was happy to work in the shop and felt welcome if  awkward there.    One afternoon my adoptive father came into the shop angry, found me and started hitting me and beating me up.  I to this day do not know how he knew or who ran and told him but Dave the owner showed up and went into combat mode.  As his wife grabbed me and tried to take me out of there I seen most of the fight.  Francis was short but stock and hugely muscled and a brawler, Dave was an marine who had seen combat and younger.  For the first time in my life I felt so happy with joy, someone had stood up for me.  I was not alone, I was going to be safe.  Surely after that fight he wouldn’t hurt me any more!

The truth was he never hurt me in front of Dave again.  But when I got home that afternoon Dave was not there.  There was no big former marine to defend me.  I was a small scrawny kid facing a brawler that had gotten the bad end of a fight.  Some one needed to pay for that, and I did.  I wont describe what happened, I think you all can guess. I will only say it was bad.  Really bad.  

Thinking you can play the hero and stand up for the abused is great, if you plan on being there day and night until the abuser is gone, never to come back.  But doing it once in a store or in the case of the video going and beating the bad guy up only leaves them free to take that anger out on the victim.  I know, I was the victim.  Anyway I am upset and tired and going to bed.  Please watch the video.  Be safe, be happy, and hugs

2 Comments »

  1. I like that you introduced me to this guy on YouTube through this blog. I love how he takes a steady, measured, thought out approach to what he wants to talk about for the day. Anybody can become hysterical and throw out the curse words and frustration, but you actually listen to his words… and that’s not easy to do for everyone.

    Wow–hugs to you, also, and anyone suffering from domestic abuse yesterday and today.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by TheChattyIntrovert — August 14, 2019 @ 10:01

    • Hello TheChattyIntrovert. I am glad you like him. I also respect him and I weigh what he says carefully because some times I disagree with him and have to examine why I disagree. I have realized at times I am wrong and sometimes I find a reason I think he is. I am not the smartest person so I try to listen / watch people who think things out and can explain them well.

      Thank you for the hugs. I have told that story here on my Toy Box before. I try not to make my blog about my childhood but sometimes I get triggered and it helps me to be able to write about it. I do not mean in the post that if anyone sees someone being assaulted or a child in a dangerous situation they shouldn’t act, I really think they should. What I mean to say is it only begins at that and doesn’t end there. After making sure the person is safe or has medical care then involve the proper authorities and try to keep contact / informed. Be well. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — August 14, 2019 @ 11:32


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