Scotties Toy Box

August 13, 2019

Let’s talk about socially conditioned responses to domestic violence….

I think most of the people who come here know I was abused and lived in constant fear of the huge ( to a little boy and most men ) brute that terrorized my life.   But while I took the brunt of his abuse he also made clear his position to even his own brood.  He was the alpha in charge of the house and he would back it up with violence.  I seen him rip a door of the hinges to his daughters room because she pissed him off.  He did so by punching his fist right through the door.  

I want to point out that the video has a really good message.  If you really want to help the victim, get them out of the situation.  Many people in my little cow town knew I was being abused, and many offered what comfort they could.  But none of them tried to take me out of the abuse.  

Which leads me to the point Beau makes.  When I was about 13 or 14 I was working for a local family who had a basket weaving shop.  It was a big business.  The man who ran it was a 6 foot something ex-marine.   They were friends with my adoptive parents and had even bought me clothing when I really need it.  I was happy to work in the shop and felt welcome if  awkward there.    One afternoon my adoptive father came into the shop angry, found me and started hitting me and beating me up.  I to this day do not know how he knew or who ran and told him but Dave the owner showed up and went into combat mode.  As his wife grabbed me and tried to take me out of there I seen most of the fight.  Francis was short but stock and hugely muscled and a brawler, Dave was an marine who had seen combat and younger.  For the first time in my life I felt so happy with joy, someone had stood up for me.  I was not alone, I was going to be safe.  Surely after that fight he wouldn’t hurt me any more!

The truth was he never hurt me in front of Dave again.  But when I got home that afternoon Dave was not there.  There was no big former marine to defend me.  I was a small scrawny kid facing a brawler that had gotten the bad end of a fight.  Some one needed to pay for that, and I did.  I wont describe what happened, I think you all can guess. I will only say it was bad.  Really bad.  

Thinking you can play the hero and stand up for the abused is great, if you plan on being there day and night until the abuser is gone, never to come back.  But doing it once in a store or in the case of the video going and beating the bad guy up only leaves them free to take that anger out on the victim.  I know, I was the victim.  Anyway I am upset and tired and going to bed.  Please watch the video.  Be safe, be happy, and hugs


  1. I like that you introduced me to this guy on YouTube through this blog. I love how he takes a steady, measured, thought out approach to what he wants to talk about for the day. Anybody can become hysterical and throw out the curse words and frustration, but you actually listen to his words… and that’s not easy to do for everyone.

    Wow–hugs to you, also, and anyone suffering from domestic abuse yesterday and today.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by TheChattyIntrovert — August 14, 2019 @ 10:01

    • Hello TheChattyIntrovert. I am glad you like him. I also respect him and I weigh what he says carefully because some times I disagree with him and have to examine why I disagree. I have realized at times I am wrong and sometimes I find a reason I think he is. I am not the smartest person so I try to listen / watch people who think things out and can explain them well.

      Thank you for the hugs. I have told that story here on my Toy Box before. I try not to make my blog about my childhood but sometimes I get triggered and it helps me to be able to write about it. I do not mean in the post that if anyone sees someone being assaulted or a child in a dangerous situation they shouldn’t act, I really think they should. What I mean to say is it only begins at that and doesn’t end there. After making sure the person is safe or has medical care then involve the proper authorities and try to keep contact / informed. Be well. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — August 14, 2019 @ 11:32

  2. There are so many stories I could add to yours Scottie, I think I have told a few in the past. And there are more of us out there who have these stories, all over the world. Women, children, even some men, seniors, handicapped, LGBTQ2S, from all walks of life, and from every economic level. And they are not all caused by substance abuse, but by religious abuse, generational abuse, etc. There is no end to the way we hurt each other.
    AND THIS IS THE WORLD TRUMP AND HIS CRONIES WANT TO PRESERVE. This is the world I have fought against all my life. I do not intend to stop now.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by rawgod — October 7, 2019 @ 14:43

    • Hello Rawgod. If it would help you to tell your story, sometimes it does help me to tell it here, then send them to me and I will post them with your name as author. Anything I can do to help a fellow abuse survivor I will try to do. Thank you for the effort you do. I am glad to stand beside you in the fight for quality in society. You are so correct that there is no end to the way humans find to hurt each other. There are movies and TV shows that glorify that harm. There are religions that demand it. I wonder sir, are we as a species becoming more enlightened or more regressive? Are part of our society failing to progress and how do we either stop them from preventing our progress or deal with them humanly? Hugs


      Comment by Scottie — October 7, 2019 @ 16:37

      • Actually, Scottie, I have no trouble talking about my youth, and have told it many times, including in the comment sections of many blogs. and lots of other places. I am more interested in talking about how it made me stronger. Yes, I suffered, and yes there are still times I get bothered, but I do not allow myself to get defeated. I AM A SURVIVOR, HEAR ME ROAR!
        But thanks for the offer.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by rawgod — October 7, 2019 @ 19:06

  3. It’s tempting to advocate that abusers have the shit beaten out of them, but violence doesn’t really solve violence. I feel so sorry for the kids like you were. We as a community should make this unacceptable.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by butimbeautiful — December 16, 2019 @ 18:29

    • Hello butimbeautiful. Welcome to my Toy Box. I hope you find many things here you can enjoy.

      Thank you. There are times people should step in, even if they can not follow through to the end. If you see a child being abused and in danger you must as an adult step in. How you do that depends on how drastic the situation is. If need be record the abuser and call 911, here in the US, or your local emergency numbers. Don’t worry about being wrong, it will come out in an investigation. The bad part is now abusers know to restrict their behavior in public, which is why they try to keep the abused kids inside the home. That makes knowing who your neighbors are and if they have kids so important.

      As I say in the post and as the video makes clear simply stepping in one time will not stop the problem and will make it worse when there is no one there to step in.

      If you have read any of my abuse on my blog you will notice that when authorities did step in , remember this was back in the 1960’s and times were different then about child abuse, my adoptive family simply moved a few times until they got us way out in the rural areas where they could do what they wanted to me with out others really knowing.

      Again thank you for your concern. Please keep looking out for abused children, they need all of us to protect them as they can not protect themselves. Hugs


      Comment by Scottie — December 16, 2019 @ 18:43

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