Scotties Toy Box

December 3, 2019

Too much touch.

Filed under: Dealing With Abuse, My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 19:13

Last week a man who lives in our park stopped at my house to ask if I would help his wife with some computer problems.   The man is 84 years old.   While asking me this he repeatedly took my hand, he gets way to close and them pats my shoulder.  He is totally clueless to my discomfort and the fact I am on my top step pressed against the door to my office.   The abused child in me is melting down in sobs and screams.   I tell him I will call his wife after the weekend.   He leaves.  He is just like Joe Biden acts with people only worse.  It is horribly creepy.  It gets worse. 

Today at 10 AM I arrive at their place in the park, he is out front by the door.  He grabs my hand, pulls me in to him, doesn’t let go, keeps talking, getting closer.  I want to wrench my hand away I want to step back.   He grabs my arm telling me how glad he is I am helping his wife.  I am about to scream or run.  I control my self, disentangle my self and tell him I must see what I can do for his wife with out delay.   I am angry now, he is creepy and I do not want him around me.  I try to force a good humor when meeting his wife, but memories are hammering at my mind. 

Their small desk is in the narrowest spot in the home, with just enough room for the over large printer and a laptop, the mouse and pad is on the very edge of the desk in front of the laptop, she laughs they need a bigger desk.  I suggest as the printer is wireless they simply move it to another location, she doesn’t understand.  It works good where it is she replies.  They have always had it there.  She doesn’t understand what it being wireless means. 

So I pull up a chair as there is none at the desk as she uses a scooter in the home.  The place the desk is in with me in a chair pulled close to the desk there is about 8 inches from the wall behind us.   She drives the scooter in until the front wheel touches my leg, I try to pull back even though it causes my leg to start to go numb. 

I start fixing her problem which involves like it does most of the people who contact me with a password error.  She has like most of the people I deal with a stack of post it notes with different words and things scrawled on them with no dates.  Try this , no , try that one.  I have learned that after two attempts to simply insist on changing the password using the forgot password.   Despite my asking her to write it all down  including the date, a new post it note is now scratched on with no date or identifying marks.  Oh it is OK she says I will know what it goes to.   Fuck me!  I can see another house call coming. 

He comes in the door next to me, he has to change and go out.  Grabs my arm as I am moving the mouse, moves beside me and puts both hands on my shoulders.  I am about to explode.  I shift trying to get him to take his hands off me.   I remind my self I am a bearded 56 year old man not a small boy, I still need him to back off.  I turn causing him to lose his grip and pushing me into her scooter.    I tell him I have lots of stuff yet to do.  He says he needs me to come over and explain to him how to turn the computer on.  He has to learn to use it.  Did I mention he is 84?  I am sweating now, and my heart is racing, but I must focus my mind, I am here to solve her computer problems most of which I have already done.  He leaves.  

I explain to her that they get a free antivirus / firewall with their internet subscription.  They did not know, and no they do not have any protection.  Damn.  It is so hot in the house because as she says she can not take the cold.  I am sweating.  I explain antivirus / firewall and why it is important.  She says if it is free get it.  I explain again it is part of her subscription, she doesn’t care.   To her it is free. 

She has not done any updates since they got the laptop a year ago, I start them and explain to her how to do them and why.  Another post it note. 

I install the Norton protection on the computer and am doing the updates, almost all is done.  He comes back.  Starts touching me again.  Starts at the arm and moves up.  I have had it.  I explain I have to go.  I interrupt him, tell him I need to stand up please move back.  I ask her to move her scooter.  I put the chair back where it was before, I tell them I simply have to go they can call me.  He says he will stop by the house if he has questions.  I do not say I will answer the door.   Neither of them seem to register how angry I am inside , how I have reached very angry upset stage and will not stay there any longer.  She offers me money and I do not even count it, just tell her it is fine, thank you.  But she wants to talk about the money.   I explain that I do this for donations, there is no set charge, give what she thinks she can afford and what it was worth, anything is OK , nothing is also OK.  She wants to talk guilt.   The boy in me is in tears and shredded, he needs to get out of there , he needs to go home to comfort and safety.  I am trying hard to keep the outer face calm and professional.   She doesn’t get it and wants to talk about her guilt about not seeming to pay me enough, she may need to call me again.  Not seeming to remember I have helped her on and off for about at least 10 years.     I explain again I do not charge, I work by donation.  I do not want anyone to feel they can not ask for my help due to their financial situation, if they can not pay I still help, I do not gossip, I do not judge.  I want to make sure those that need computer help get it and if they can give something to me that is nice, but not expected.    She starts to tell me how hard things are for her children.  

There is no reason for this.  She already had the money set aside, I had already seen it.  I do not care at this point, three hour of my life have past in a hot closed in space with a man who keeps touching me which I really do not want.  I told Ron if he had gotten any further I was going to demand he at least buy me fucking dinner. 

She has given me the money, the questions have been answered, he has gone some where, but before I can leave she now wants to talk.   I explain I really have to go, we can make another appointment and she can call me with any questions.    Great, talk later, got to go. 

Get home, blood pressure really high, pulse 124, emotion level high, pain levels high.   I checked both when I got inside.   Get a drink, sit in my office chair, the cats run to me as I have been gone, start to relax, start to comfort the panicked screaming boy inside me, telling my self all is OK.   She called. 

The computer screen shows this .  Yes, normal, just hit this, no close out that , OK accept this.  OK yes that.  Can she call me again to come over?   I guess if you need me but remember I can answer a lot of stuff over the phone.   Yes but it is easier when you are here and he wants you to start teaching him how to use a computer.   I tell her  I have to go.

When I got Ron up I told him about this.  He doesn’t think I should help them.  I told him if I do not help them I must not help anyone.  He reminded me I do not owe it to anyone to help them, I do not have to.   I do not feel that way.   I have a skill, knowledge gained over years.  I also have patience to deal with wilful ignorance.  I just do not, can not stand to be touched and petted while helping.  

This another reason Biden can not be the democratic nominee.   Man his age and mind set just don’t get it.  He doesn’t have the right to touch others, pet them, paw them, in Biden’s case sniff their hair .  It is not normal.  It is not wanted.   Hey consent anyone! 

Well thank you wonderful Toy Box viewers for letting me get that off my chest.  My heart rate has still not settled down even though I had a wonderful call from an internet friend.  It is possible the man never meant any harm, it is just his normal way.  His way of being friendly.  But my past did not agree, to me he was a predator acting creepy.   I hate to think of how he acts with  his great grand children.  Oh well, another day in a Florida trailer park in the life of Scottie.    Hugs

 

12 Comments »

  1. I know there’s nothing I can say or do now that it’s over with. But what I am going to say is this … do NOT let people take advantage of you!! There are ways to tell this man to TAKE HIS HANDS OFF YOU without making it a big deal. Just tell him you don’t feel comfortable having people put their hands on you. Laugh it off and say something like … it’s probably stupid, but I just get real heebie-jeebie about people touching me or getting too close. If he gets offended, that’s HIS problem, not yours.

    OK. I’m not going to say anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Nan — December 3, 2019 @ 19:38

    • Hello Nan. Thank you. You are correct. I should have said something, done something. Ron doesn’t want me to go to their house again. It is not happening at a good time for me. I am about to jump out of my own skin right now. I did not need this, I was there to help, that is what I do , I help people with their computer problems. I have decided I am going to have a plan ready if I need to deal with them in person again. As Ron says no one has the right to touch me , put their hands on me. Just as you have said. Good night. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 3, 2019 @ 19:47

  2. Breathe slowly and deeply. It’s over… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by equinoxio21 — December 3, 2019 @ 20:28

    • Hello equinoxio21. That is the thing, in my head, in my emotions, it is never over. I live it to some extent every day. It just doesn’t take some thing like this to set it off. The memories are there wanting to come to the front of my mind, and I push them back down. Almost every day I read a new report of a kid being abused and it causes me to remember. I try to sleep and wake up drenched in sweat in a nightmare screaming and Ron trying to calm me. When Ron first moved in with me I couldn’t sleep as it scared me so much. Then he had to stand at the door to wake me as I woke so violently. Surprisingly his greyhound dog could get into bed with me and not wake me and sleep next to me with no problem. I have never been able to have other people in my house for long. When Ron’s family visits it is a total stress fest for me. We set up a coffee maker in my office and I get up in the middle of the night and stay there.

      Thank you my grand friend, I do thank you. But for me it is never over. A professional said I have PTSD. I do not know. I just know some times are better than others, and right now I am in a bad time I need to work my way out of. Only I can do it, and I must. For myself, for my grand husband who I try not to let any of this land on him, and because I simply must. If I am to keep going I must pull my self up and out of this, I have to. When I was in the military we had two goals, accomplish the mission. The second was to take care of your people. Now I must do both for my self. Thank you again. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 3, 2019 @ 21:43

      • Been in the Army too. Agree with the two goals. And yes, you must do both for yourself. It’s been too long, you must get it out of your system. Have you tried therapy? Analysis? It’ works well for that. Be good.

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by equinoxio21 — December 4, 2019 @ 13:45

        • Hello equinoxio21, my friend. I have been in therapy a long time ago. A few years ago I seen a person a couple times. I don’t know. Professor Taboo and Nan think I need to see someone again as they are worried. After the holidays I will think hard on it. Right now interaction with the online community is doing wonders for me. Are you ready for the holiday? Do you decorate inside and out? I would love to see the pictures on your blog. Hugs

          Liked by 1 person

          Comment by Scottie — December 4, 2019 @ 14:06

          • No rush. After the holidays should be fine. It is of some concern that you should still be affected so… But no rush. We don’t decorate much. My wife does it, and since this year we’ll spend Christmas away (Tulum) with all the family, she kept it to a minimum. Lemme see if it warrants a pic on the blog. Cheers.

            Liked by 1 person

            Comment by equinoxio21 — December 4, 2019 @ 17:57

  3. Creepy indeed. I was cringing just reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by john zande — December 4, 2019 @ 03:49

    • Hello John. There will be new rules if I need to go back there. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — December 4, 2019 @ 04:21

  4. Hi big brother;
    One of the things that makes things difficult for people who have had abuse is that we have given over our own rules of what is ok for other people to feel ok. One of the first and most important things about recovery is that YOU get to decide what is ok and what is not. You are in control of this continuing situation. If you don’t WANT to go over there…. then DON’T. Don’t feel bad about it, don’t feel you should stifle your feelings for someone else, and don’t accept someone else’s rules or actions when you are there out of your great good heart helping them save hundreds of dollars. It’s ok to set your rules, and people should have the right to say “ok, I agree”, or “I’ll use someone else”. When I’ve had a plumber come in, or an HVAC guy I know what they are charging and don’t hover over them… unless they are really cute and have butt crack showing that looks really nice. 🙂 Let’s face it, if these people were so oblivious to your discomfort, if these people were so heavy on your “creepy” register, then f’em and help the people you enjoy helping. Like me… that idiot brother of yours that keeps doing stupid stuff and texting you with, “Um… Scottie???”

    Big hugs
    randy

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by randy — December 4, 2019 @ 12:09

    • Hello Randy, you are a grand brother. If I need to go over again I will quietly set some ground rules should it be needed. It is stunning to me in the world of today there are people like this guy who don’t seem to understand boundaries and put their hands all over you. Joe Biden would just touch women’s hair and smell them. To me that is sick and weird. Have a great day. Hugs

      Like

      Comment by Scottie — December 4, 2019 @ 12:18

    • Good advice!

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Nan — December 4, 2019 @ 12:54


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