Scotties Toy Box

February 13, 2020

Confusion over valentines day card

Filed under: Bigotry, Family, Gender, Homosexual, Love, My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 10:25

I had an interesting exchange this morning.    I had let the soda in the house get low with the idea of mentioning to Ron when he got home I needed to run out to the store to get more.    I really planned to get him some flowers, a big balloon of a heart with wings, and a valentines card.   

I got my stuff, picked out a card with the words to my HUSBAND across the front.   Husband was in large font.    I went to the front of the store to check out.   I go to this store often, it is a Publix only a couple miles down the street.  It is a great store, the company is very socially minded, they hire a lot of the disabled, both physical and mentally handicapped.   I am known there , and most of the cashiers know Ron and I and understand we are married.    

When I got to the cashiers there were two lanes open and no waiting.   One was an older guy who always is trying to put the moves on women.  He is a horrible flirt and I think he is a bit too forward for my taste.   He thinks he is funny but I find him pushy.    The other lane had an immigrant from a Middle East country but I can not think of which one who may have been in his 30’s  He is smart, friendly, talkative, and interesting.   He does have an accent that that makes it harder to understand him but he doesn’t mind repeating what he said.   I decided to go to his regester.   

So I handed him the flowers, the balloon, then the card.  He says to me “You give your wife special loving on this day”?   “Husband” I replied, “Yes he deserves it”.   Then it started.   He repeated “wife” and I corrected him saying “husband”.    He looked at the card and showed it to me it said husband on it.   I told him yes it was for my husband and we had been together 30 years.    He again said wife.   I was getting a bit frustrated, he really couldn’t seem to understand I had a husband not a wife.  He was clearly thinking I had picked up the wrong card.    He showed it to me again.   I explained again I had a husband and we had been together for 30 years.   He slowly repeated “no wife, husband”?   I told him that was correct.   He said “Husband”?.   Yes I told him.   He just looked at me.   I had already paid via the card machines and there was no one in the line but he got really quiet.   He normally talks non-stop, but he wouldn’t even tell me the amount of my purchase.  I think the other workers could see there was a problem developing as they came over and said hello.  

I do not know if he was just really confused as the country he comes from may not allow LGBTQ+ or have same sex marriage.   He has never struck me as a bigot or a hater.   But he reacted as a bigot would in some respects.   I know he is not stupid so I think after correcting him a couple times he should have caught on.  The fact he stopped talking was not normal for him.    So he may be homophobic.   Time will tell.  Hugs


  1. He may be, but it sounds like it was just inconceivable to him that two men would be married and sending each other such loving gifts, he caught on eventually, but I’m sorry you had to carry on repeating yourself, still, despite this I’m hoping that knowing you regualrly as a lovely person it will be a revelation to him that opens up his mind some. Happy V day in advance to you both dearie.

    Esme sending love from upon the Cloud ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Esme upon the Cloud — February 13, 2020 @ 10:41

    • Hello Esme you are a wonderful person. You have a big heart and understanding for everyone. I like that. I will give him the benefit of the doubt. I know there have to be gay people who work there. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — February 13, 2020 @ 10:52

      • Ooo thank you Scottie, I have my moments I guess, though I’m all teeth when anyone I care for is actively attacked, so any trug from him and I’ll fly over and stick pins in his eyes.

        Esme hugging Scottie back and knowing he is just as wonderful if not rather more-so X

        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by Esme upon the Cloud — February 13, 2020 @ 10:54

        • Hello Esme. Peace and joy on your cloud for all who live there. Hugs

          Liked by 1 person

          Comment by Scottie — February 13, 2020 @ 12:01

  2. Even though he lives and works in the U.S. doesn’t necessarily mean he’s familiar with its laws. Many who come from other countries live among their “own “ people and have little to do with the mores and trends of this country. I would tend to think he’s just never had direct exposure to someone in your circumstances. JMO

    Liked by 1 person

    Comment by Nan — February 13, 2020 @ 13:15

    • Hello Nan. I agree. He is new to the US that I do know. It could be that he has never encountered such a situation and it was something he did not know how to handle. Time will tell. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — February 13, 2020 @ 13:29

  3. Hi Scottie;
    I wonder if this was one of those “did I translate that wrong” going through his mind? Either way, if you are his first confrontation with someone from the “gay community” – odd term, that – then you are a great “ambassador”. And better yet, one tRump can’t fire! I love the fact that you are you, a wonderful, smart, loving, friendly, decent, sweet human being, and if someone can’t handle that, it is their problem. Happy Valentine’s Day, my brother.



    Comment by randy — February 13, 2020 @ 15:43

    • Hello Randy. Dang brother, you made me blush. I got thinking he had told me he only recently got to the country. I think he thought he was helping me because in his mind I got the wrong card. You could be correct and it would explain why he was looking so confused. I doubt there is any animus involved as the company is very LGBTQ+ friendly. I suspect a bunch of the younger people there of being on a sliding scale of the spectrum. I hope you are feeling better? Do you have friday off? Hugs


      Comment by Scottie — February 13, 2020 @ 15:49

      • Aw, I didn’t think you could blush anymore. LOL! No, gotta work tonight. Feeling better, but the cold runs on. Have a great day tomorrow!


        Liked by 1 person

        Comment by randy — February 13, 2020 @ 16:58

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