Scotties Toy Box

February 17, 2020

John Anderson: The Long Black Veil

Filed under: Criminal, Gender, Questions, Song — Scottie @ 19:53

I am starting to have a dark path right now and not sure what to do.   On my other computer I have been wading through some dark political theories.   I was trying to keep up beat, but now admit I am starting to drown in dark places I know I must not go.  Those places lead to self harm.   Yet that is the world we live in and I must report on them.   I am tired.    We must win this fight.   Hugs


It is weird I have not felt this strong a need to cut myself in a long time.  I can not explain to those who have never felt the need to do that what it is counter intuitive to deal with hurt to then deliberately hurt your self, that it is so satisfying and so pleasing.  Or should I say so desperately disassociation?  The next day the shame and attempt to cover it it up goes full power.  I left all that behind then tRump got elected and his asshole cult started attacking people with joy.   So here I am again struggling to not do what I know is wrong but yet I am feeling driven to do.   Hugs


  1. I am having the same sort of trouble, but with eating. Trump and his cabal are all abusers, and it triggers stress in people who’ve been abused. When he won the nomination and then the general (before he was inaugurated,) I gained almost 50 pounds. Since then, I have lost, and am healthier than ever, but now am catching myself stress-eating again, then getting on my rebounder to run it off. I intend to outlive that SOB no matter what, but the way I’m doing things isn’t healthful, either. Maybe we can prop each other in some fashion? And others who are suffering through all this, too. I know stress-eating is not cutting, and I hope you can resist. I wish I could fix everything.

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by ali redford — February 17, 2020 @ 21:52

    • Hello Ali. Stress eating and other eating disorders are serious. The ones suffering from them face serious health issues. Yes we will help each other, it is our way. I am here anytime you want to just vent. I agree the current mess we are living through will end and I just hope normal behavior can return. I fear that what the Republicans have learned from tRump is that acting as they have been gets them votes and power and they will continue to act like tRump. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — February 18, 2020 @ 04:37

  2. Reading this broke my heart.

    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by Notes To Ponder — February 17, 2020 @ 23:20

    • Hello Notes To Ponder. I keep telling myself it will get better, and I can not understand why so many things line up to protect him. He is the anti-anything good. Hugs

      Liked by 2 people

      Comment by Scottie — February 18, 2020 @ 04:40

  3. Sorry My Brother;
    I was hiding from the world yesterday as well. Gracie wasn’t allowing me too much of it, but I was keeping myself in the dark. Those numb feelings, where everything just feels tired and unalive, where the path we are on seems to be all uphill and hip deep in mud, and the best answer seems to be a dark spot, we just need that moment to feel alive and awake. I’m like Ali in that I stress eat, but then I go hide somewhere. I know that I should go downstairs and get in a workout, but I’m afraid my allergies won’t take the dust falling off my weightset.
    I tell you, it is difficult to not be depressed watching the antics of those who think tRump is brilliant. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe he has some cleverness to him, much like you see some critters work through a puzzle – or unerringly throw their own poop. I think he is the latter example. But, hopefully soon this too shall pass, and then in time perhaps maga hats will go the way of polyester leisure suits and mullets, and folks will be embarrassed that they fell for his con game.
    Until then….

    Be well, my brother, and know I love you;


    Liked by 2 people

    Comment by randy — February 18, 2020 @ 13:48

    • perhaps maga hats will go the way of polyester leisure suits and mullets, and folks will be embarrassed that they fell for his con game.

      Great comparison! And the sooner the better!

      Liked by 2 people

      Comment by Nan — February 18, 2020 @ 13:56

    • Hello Brother Randy. Thank you, I do know you love me. You have gone through some bad times with me. I love you also and I am sorry you also have the dark cloud hanging over you. When I think of the shit shows Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes perform for their Dear Leader I wonder about what the Republicans really want to accomplish and how it is possible to stop it.

      I don’t stress eat, but as you know I cry a lot when the bad memories take over and then do self harm. So far it has been mostly crying and despair as I havent self harmed in a few years, but the need or the depression has been getting much worse.

      By the way I am growing my hair long again. Will see soon if it becomes a mullet. I hope by election day in November it will be past my shoulder blades. As you know my drivers licence picture has really long hair and they always give me a hard time about it when I go to vote. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      Comment by Scottie — February 18, 2020 @ 14:02

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