30 wonderful adventurous years

Today marks the full 30th year Ron and I have been committed to each other as a couple.   After meeting in  August and spending a lot of time together, ( I had 45 days of vacation I was required to use )  Ron asked me to be with him, to join our lives.   I was very much in agreement.   On October 12th 1990 Ron and I pledged our love and our commitment to each other.   This was long before same sex marriage was allowed, and in my job there was open discrimination against gay people.  Ron was unable to get any real employment in our area other than part time temp work doing accounting despite a degree in finance  because he fought the town council in the largest town in our area to open and keep running a bar / dance club for LGBTQ+ people.   After we met I took Ron out of the bar because he had bad lungs and a breathing problem and during this time smoking was still allowed in bars.   I was making more than enough money for both of us and I did not care if he worked at all.  He took great care of me and I was eating better than I had in a lifetime.   The people at my job were incensed telling me I was being taken advantage of and how he should be out working, but they got offended when I pointed out that those saying these things their wives were not working.  

Our lives were full and we had ups and downs, great times and struggles.   In January of 2015 the State of Florida gave up fighting and accepted legalised same sex marriage.   Ron and I wanted the legal version of our long time commitment for the legal protections and many state and government protections / tax breaks.  But we also wanted to try to keep it in some way a memory of our original commitment which means so much to us both.  So on January 12th  2015 Ron and I were married in the Lee County Clerks offices.   We did not have time to prepare much but the people there in that office were terrific.   I have posted and written about how wonderful they were.   

We arrived with James, our son, and I was prepared to face bigotry and anger.   We had come in a couple days earlier and filled out the paperwork.  The county offered a secular marriage for opposite gender couples for a small fee and we had selected that option on our papers.   Remember this was the time when Kim Davis was still a hero for denying a same sex couple the paperwork for their marriage that they were clearly due.  We are in the South Western part of Florida which is not like the liberaal blue Eastern Southern Florida we came from.   

We got there right at the opening of the office, wanting this official marriage for what we have spent our life doing anyway, but needing the legal protections as I had lost my job and Ron’s employer was refusing to add me to his insurance even though they did unmarried opposite couples.  Our being married would force them to allow me on his insurance which we really needed.  We had also both watched religious Christian doctors ignore same sex couples wishes and exclude the same sex partners of patients from  information, denying them any rights of family and claiming they were only friends legally.  

These are all things the Obama administration addressed and made illegal that tRump has rolled back and made legal again.   

As we finished everything we needed to do I noticed there were three people standing behind the clerk, who was clearly nervous and strangely bubbly.   She said could we give her a minute and she turned to huddle with the three people behind her.   I was get prepared to have what should have been a joyous moment turned into a bitter fight.   The lady came back with one of the women she had been talking to.  She explained that this was her boss the elected official in charge.  My heart was sinking, I could tell Ron was also preparing for a problem.   Then the lady asked if she could conduct our marriage, we were to be the first in the county, and how everyone had asked to do but she was the boss, and even though it was not normal but was it OK if everyone in the office who was able could come into the room with us.   They simply wanted to be part of this moment.  

Ron and I got giddy, and of course it was OK.

I forget the deal that was the package to get married there , I think it was like 10 minutes ceremony and 15 pictures.   45 Minutes later we were still having office people coming in and getting pictures with us.   They took over 40 photos and gave them to us.  Seems we were the first  same sex couple in the county to be married and it seemed a lot of people wanted to be involved.   I was stunned that they were not only so accepting but really wanted to be involved in the first same sex marriages.  The entire office had redecorated the marriage room at their own expense because the county had not given them the money in the budget.  I admit it was an uplifting and enlightening experience.  

Now the joy of that moment is undiminished, but the Republicans in the state have never stopped trying to assault our same gender marriage.  The Republicans nationwide have endorsed the religious leaders who claim we are evil and destroying the nation, causing all the destruction of natural forces across the land ( and boy do I wish I was that powerful ) , that we are preying on their children and destroying their rights as they do everything possible to take away our equality in society.  The Republican  senate is right now forcing through a SCOTUS nominee who is sure gays are an abomination to her god by her religious doctrines and she is on record saying that LGBTQ+ people have no equal rights and our marriages are unconstitutional.  She not only wants to take away LGBTQ+ rights but also the rights of females to control their own bodies and reproductive organs.   She also wants to create laws that force all of us to live by the doctrines of her religion.  She has written the goal of becoming a lawyer is to force the coming of the kingdom of god.   

Simply put in 2015 Ron and I were finally able after 25 years of being in a loving great and grand relationship to enjoy the same rights and benefits that different gender couples have been getting.   These Republican religious people hate that we get the same rights they do.  They do not care about our relationship, our love, that our feelings are the same as theirs.    They simply care that we do not get equal treatment to them, that we are not treated as they are, that we do not get the same respect for our loving marriages that they do theirs.  They seem so insecure in their relationships they want to deny ours.  That is their real objection to same gender marriage, it makes our love equal to theirs.   It says far more about them than it does us.   BTW they said if us gays and lesbians were able to legally get married it would destroy marriage, even cause straight people not to get married.  How has that worked out?  Has straight marriages stopped?   Again says more about them than us.   Oh well, it has been an interesting 30 years.     I am looking forward to the 31st and beyond.    Hugs


21 thoughts on “30 wonderful adventurous years

  • I think you’ll appreciate this (in The Guardian):

    Senator Gary Peters of Michigan shared his family’s personal abortion story, with Amy Coney Barrett hearings underway.

    Peters, a moderate Democrat locked in a tight reelection race, shared with Elle Magazine that in the 1980s, his first wife Heidi, had her water break when she was only four months pregnant, leaving the fetus without amniotic fluid.

    When a miscarriage did not naturally occur, a doctor recommended an abortion – as the fetus had no chance of survival. But the hospital had banned the procedure. “The mental anguish someone goes through is intense trying to have a miscarriage for a child that was wanted,” Peters told the magazine.

    “It’s a story of how gut-wrenching and complicated decisions can be related to reproductive health,” he told Elle.

    Heidi’s heath deteriorated, and her doctor told the couple that without an abortion she may lose her uterus. Still the hospital refused to make an exception to its anti-abortion policy.

    Ultimately, the couple was able to find another hospital that would take Heidi in right away, as they were friends with the chief administrator – and Heidi received an abortion. The experience was “painful and traumatic,” Heidi told Elle. “If it weren’t for urgent and critical medical care, I could have lost my life.”

    The bigots HAVE NO CLUE!!!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hello Nan. Thanks for sharing. The bigots don’t care. They have their preconceptions and it is all that matters to them. They wont let facts and reality get in the way. They are speaking for god, that makes them powerful important people in their minds. Their god hates what they hate, their god is made in their image. Besides it is only when it touches them personally is it different. Like the Republicans who say that their family member needed to have an abortion but your family member can’t, or the congress people who are against gay rights until their child comes out as gay. I was reminded today about Bristol Palin being the spokesperson for chastity and abstinence when she already had one child out of wedlock and was pregnant with a second. It is OK when Republicans do it is their idea. Hugs

      Liked by 2 people

  • Happy anniversary to you! We have a similar story in that this coming year we will have been “married” for 25 years and legally married since 2012 in NYS. We were moving from NYS to MI which didn’t recognize same sex marriage or second parent adoption so we wanted as much protection as possible for the kids and I even though I was on the birth certificate they did not have to acknowledge me as a parent. I thought when the Supreme Court ruling came we were over all this. How sad so be so wrong.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello koolaidmoms. Congratulations to you both. We fought once, and we will have to fight again it seems. The thing that most people do not seem to get is the religious right has changed the meaning of discrimination to make it seem they are the ones being harmed instead of doing the harming. It was a great PR move on their part, and they have hammered it until people seem to be buying it. But the truth is the religious groups want to deny rights and the LGBTQ+ people want to expand them. In a democracy where all people are equal under the law, shouldn’t expanding rights be more important? Best wishes to you and your family. Hugs

      Liked by 2 people

  • Congratulations, and Happy Anniversary to both you and Ron. I hope you two get to enjoy many more wonderful years together, unencumbered by the hatred and bigotry from the Right. And I would like to point out that even Supreme Court Justices can be impeached; they are only above recall because of their lofty perch, and their influence on the legislation that made it so.
    I know, it sucks, that all we have left to hope for is that she commits more than one serious blunder, and that after this election we Dems hold a large enough majority to make impeachment happen, due to that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Dennis. Thank you, and we wish you the best also. My understanding is she has already left gaps on her forms that are questionable, and Kavanaugh clearly perjured himself under oath. But I think the US is long overdue for expanding the courts. The courts have been overworked and underfunded for decades. The SCOTUS is understaffed for the districts it is to oversee. So the court should easily be expanded to 15 members.

      Dennis it seems we are taking steps backwards, but the religious right has overreached itself I think. They want to take the country back to 1950 or earlier, but the country has moved beyond that. Even if they get some laws created in their favor it won’t last, they will have to use more force and become more draconian as younger people and adults move away from restrictive religions and much less accepting of the religious grifters / haters of today who will fail. But it will take work on our part because they have trained two generations of home schooled children who have grown up to be religious diehards who reject reason and science. These generations have raised up their own kids that way. So they are building an army of soldiers for their cause, but these soldiers are not being taught to reason nor think so often fail at anything other than emotion. The goal for us is to reteach them what they missed learning in childhood. Hugs

      Liked by 2 people

    • Hello ShellDigger. Thank you. Also thank you for being an ally. The rights minorities have today wouldn’t have been possible with out the help and support of good people working to secure them with us, helping us, putting themselves on the line also. That is happening today with the BLM protestors, good people standing with a minority to stop them from being abused. It is because of all the people willing to work for a better future for everyone, equality for everyone that I know we will eventually move past the bigotry and abuse. Thanks again. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hello Nan. Thank you. As I said to ShellDigger, with out the allies the LGBTQ+ community has we wouldn’t have gotten as far as we did. Despite those who have always tried hard to demonize us when people realize we are their family members, we are their doctors, their lawyers, their neighbors they like, when they see we are just normal people like them then the movements become a force for equality. Good people understand an injustice to one is an injustice to all. While I think for the short term the religious right will win, I think this is their last gasp and if we are willing to work for equality and a better world we will achieve it for everyone. Hugs

      Liked by 2 people

  • Good Morning, My Brother!!
    Wow, how time flies! Happy Anniversary. I remember your trepidatious excitement as you and Ron prepared to take your vows. How crazy that a simple piece of paper is necessary to validate what you two had for so very long. I remember our conversations at the time that this possibility was coming for you, how incredibly unfair it is that someone who is hetero can have multiple violations of the “Christian Code”, while at the same time standing in the way of two who are together for so long and using that same “code” to call it unethical. But, you persevered, you charged forward, and I’m so proud to call you two my friends, my brothers.
    Happy Anniversary! and big hugs!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello Randy, wonderful brother. Well said. Yes the sad thing is that piece of paper doesn’t add anything to the relationship but it does give us access to the over 1,100 federal and state benefits granted to married people. I have never understood why people worry about what other people are doing that doesn’t involve them. If you don’t agree with same gender marriage don’t get married to someone of the same gender. Don’t like the idea of two people of the same gender having sex, then don’t have sex with someone of your gender. These concepts are not hard to figure out. Live and let others live. Be well. Hugs


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.