Scotties Toy Box

February 14, 2017

NEW YORK CITY: Neo-Nazi Gang Attacks Brothers After Noticing “Anti-Fascist” Sticker On Their Cell Phone – Joe.My.God.

Filed under: Bigotry, Criminal, Harm, News, Questions — Scottie @ 22:37

This is what tRumps administration has emboldened.  Thugs and white supremacists who brazenly attack anyone who doesn’t support them.  This country is being terrorized, by white power , white nationalist, white supremacists, white fascist.   Where is the department of justice, oh that is right, they are looking for only Muslims.   Hugs

Source: NEW YORK CITY: Neo-Nazi Gang Attacks Brothers After Noticing “Anti-Fascist” Sticker On Their Cell Phone – Joe.My.God.

February 13, 2017

Mika: ‘What Stephen Miller Said Should Worry Everyone’ | Morning Joe | MSNBC – YouTube

Filed under: Asshole / Jerk, Harm, History, News, Political, Questions — Scottie @ 19:44

Even a right wing republican person like Joe is concerned and worried about the authoritarian take over by tRump and his people.  I have to admit I blew when I hear Miller say these things, I got so upset.  But it shows the view of this administration.  They admit tRump thinks he is a dictator, a king.  He can’t understand why he can’t just order things and it be done.  Watch this please.   It is scary.   They will try to take over at some point.  The thing is they will try to manufacture a crisis that they then will say means they have to enact even more draconian laws.   They want all power to themselves, no congress, no courts, no media, and no people.  Hugs

February 10, 2017

The MRI

Filed under: Harm, Health, My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 18:56

  Well let’s start at the beginning which is really last night.  I was unable to sleep all night.  I was having muscle spasms in both feet and calves in both legs but mostly the left..  It comes from the spine, which is sending signals for the muscles to contract.   The solution is to take muscle relaxers to relax both the muscles in spasm and the muscles in the back especially those next to the spine.   So last night I would lay down and three minutes later the clenching spasms in my feet and legs would drive me from the bed to stand and shuffle walk.  This happened all night.  I took the muscle relaxers.  Then took more, Then took far more.  Then at 5 AM I remembered I still had some of the really good medication that the state legislators made a law preventing my doctors from using.   It works far better than anything else prescribed for muscle spasms.  I use to take it full time.  Now that my doctors by law can’t use it they have been trying different medications that are not as good.  So I took one.   By 5:30 AM the muscles had calmed down and I was finally able to stay in bed.  I had set my alarm for 7:30 AM as I had a MRI this morning.  I slept right through the alarm.  I woke up at 9 which was OK.   I did my morning “get ready for the day” preparations.  Then knowing that I couldn’t have any muscle cramps in the MRI I took another of the really good medication.  

I was in a lot of pain by the time we got to the MRI place.  So as we sat waiting I took some pain pills.  This was in addition to the normal “first thing in the morning” pain medication I take.   So I was very heavily medicated by the time they took me back to the MRI.  I have had many MRI’s and never had a problem.  I am not claustrophobic and the tight tubes have never caused any trouble.  I normally spend the time thinking of the small stories I create in my head to entertain myself.  I was not expecting any problems this time.  

I was wrong, Oh so very wrong!

I changed and they took me to the machine.  I laid down and then as the pain started I realized we would have a problem.  I explained to them that I had been having muscle spasms and if it happened inside the MRI they would have to pull me out.  They said they couldn’t do that. I told them they sure would.  I was already in pain and now realized I would have to stay motionless in the MRI, I had forgotten that.  I need to move a lot, to keep changing the pressure points on the bones and to ease the muscles.  I had an unsupported space between my back and the table, I had my knees in a foam mold and a weight on the bad knee they were to scan.  Remember I have decaying and damaged vertebrae along with problems with the disc material between the vertebrae.  Both of these cause damage to the nerves in the channel in the spine.  In my left hip I have a fracture and a collapsed hip joint from Avascular necrosis.  Plus the damage to the knee that I hurt when I fell.   Within minutes I was in severe pain.  This test was to take 30 minutes and within minutes of the start I was already in agony.  I couldn’t move to relieve myself in any way.  My arms were not inside the machine and I was moving them from my chest to straight up to help my mind control the pain.  They told me to stop moving my arms.

My pain level rose until I couldn’t think or hardly breath.  I ran through every method I knew to help with pain.  I was losing the battle.  I was starting to cry.  I was forcing my self to stay as still as possible and letting the agony eat me alive.  I have felt pain that intense only in my childhood sexual abuse.  The actions taken against me caused me such pain I can’t describe.  At least then I could move some to try to relive the pain, I could struggle and move some.  Then after it had happened more times and kept happening for years, my body found ways to deal with it, to try to relax the part that was invaded and harmed.  There was no way I could stop it, it was going to happen despite anything I tried to do, all I could do was make it hurt less if possible.   My body found ways to make it less painful, less harmful, while my mind simply went to other places so I wouldn’t have to deal with or face what was happening.   In the MRI I needed my mind to stay as I needed to control my body to not move as it desperately needed to.  I was starting to flash back and I had to use all my strength and control not to let go.  

I was going to describe what I was talking about and then when I tried to type it I just can’t do it.  I am struggling to write this as it is and as it is not a critical part of this story I don’t see subjecting my self and you to the full in your face descriptions of actions you can figure out your self is needed.   It hurts me to think of it, and it hurts worse to tell of it.  It basically puts me back there in the time and place when it happened.  

They stopped the test for a minute with 8 minutes left .  They had noticed my distress and the tears on my face and warned me to keep my arms still.   I informed them of my pain, my current medical problems, and asked if I could move to reduce the pain.  They said no.  I either stopped the test now, or they needed me to remain where I was.   I felt trapped and losing hope.  Later Ron was upset when he heard all this and seen me when I came out, he said he would have stopped the test, but they wouldn’t have let him in anyway.  So back in the MRI I told them to continue.  Well after the first part of the 8 minute test was done I informed them to stop, they had one more slice to do and I told them  no, I with drew permission for the test or what ever it took.  I was flashing in my head to a bad place, I was in pain I can’t describe.  I have broken bones and had exposed nerves that never hurt like this.  I have driven nails through my hands , nearly cut off a big toe, and had my finger slammed in a car door and it still was not anywhere near as much pain as I was in right then.  I can handle pain, I live with it.  However after nearly 30 minutes of unrelenting agony I was done.  I reached the end of my rope.   They stopped the test.   

I needed help to get up off the table.  I was not able to on my own and they couldn’t bring my cane in to the room.   Then when I stood I could only use one leg.  The left was useless and in pain.  So this thin 98 pound woman offered to help me.  I was scared to put any weight on her but I had to a little.  I scrunched my way to the door and my cane.  Then slowly dressed, calmed down, took some medications.  Then they escorted me back to waiting room to see Ron.  When we got home Ron made me lunch and remarked I looked stoned.  I was.  Not only stoned from all the medications, 2 kinds of morphines, Baclofen muscle relaxers, Soma muscle relaxers, tramadol, ibuprofen to name the pain medications.  Plus a good old trip down the childhood abuse memory lane.  I was simply stunned.  Ron decided we both needed to go to bed.  Ron made it all as well as he could for me.  I fell in to a deep sleep, and only woke up when my alarm went off that I set to bring Ron his coffee on work nights. 

Well thank you for reading.  I wish the best to you and your families.  Many hugs, Scottie

 

 

 

 

February 9, 2017

To do or not to do

Before I start my day of reading blogs and answering emails, I wish to address an issue that has me somewhat confused.  On several blogs I follow there has been a running discussion about the progressive left and the regressive left.   I did not realize this was a major topic of discussion as I assumed the left was simply the party that wanted the best things for people.  Yes I knew there was some disagreement on how to pay for the many programs the people on the left felt were needed, however I did not realize how big a divide the issues have become.

I started noticing this about the time the white supremacist Spencer was punched in the face.  The debate was on if the people on the political left should punch people they did not like in the face.  I figured this was so simple a question that no one would need a second guess.   However there was an outcry with the different sides throwing out terms like SJW and SNOWFLAKE with the occasional NAZI.  Now I did not realize how much division the sjw and snowflake labels caused.   I have to admit I am some what hazy on just what is a social justice warrior and I have no desire to needlessly harm others if they are in a sensitive or hurt possition.   I care about people.   Now I will address snowflake more in a minute.

I once was accused of being a sjw and I felt honored.  I did not know the term and it took some people I really trust to inform me that the term was not used as a complement but an insult.  I wondered why?  I thought fighting for others who were maybe disadvantaged and unable to stand up for themselves was an  honorable thing.  The term brought to my mind some hero trying to make things better, defending the weak and protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves.  I guess others felt my idea was simplistic and wrong.

I guess the way people use the term SJW is someone tilting at windmills and creating a problem where one doesn’t exist.  I am still not sure as to what a sjw really is.  I get the feeling others think sjws inject themselves into areas that they are not needed or wanted, finding a problem where none exist.  It seems to comes with the idea that sjws are trying to force a version of restrictive social rules on to everyone even if the others around them don’t wish the restrictions.   That seems to me the opposite of what a social justice warrior should be. If this is what is meant then they need to pick a better term to use.   They are social rules dictator  or socially repressive enforcers.  I still have issues with the meanings of these things.  I still feel I am what I term a fighter for others and someone who works for and wants a better social structure.

Now the term snowflake is harder for me.  I feel in some ways snowflakes have two different categories.   The term some people use is a person who is spoiled and want the world to accommodate them unfairly.  A person who is unreasonable about insisting only their view of the world is allowed.   The other version is a person who is harmed, fragile, needing help, suffering from a past event.  I think of snowflakes as the second group.  I think of snowflakes as bunnies in a world of bigger predators who will hurt them and they have no defence.   I would defend those in the second group.  Let me explain why.  As some people know I am a survivor of long time abuse.  Sexual, physical, emotional.  I prefer not to talk about it, I hid it for most of my life until I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I am only now learning how to confront it and still dislike talking about it.  But if you go back in time on my blog you will find that years ago a psychologist treated me for issues surrounding the abuse , how it was affect my daily life and how I was dealing with it.  The psychologist concluded I was a bunny in temperament.      In his view I was not able to defend myself and needed others to do that for me.  It was weird because I was quite able to defend others and I had no problem using force to protect those who needed protecting.   However I never once asked the world to change for me.  I never asked for things that triggered me to be taken off the web, banned from the social environment or taken off any media.  I have talked before about things that trigger me, a video or show about child abuse will send me into a  really bad place where I have to deal with the memories that never seem to quite go away.  I have started to read books and been triggered into deep depressions and emotional vortex that try to destroy me.  Here is an example.  When I first started to read the Harry Potter books I had a horrible time with the beginnings of most of the books.  It was triggering to have a small boy unable to defend himself treated that way.  Even now it is very upsetting to me.  I can’t watch those parts of the movies.  I forced myself on first reading the books to quickly get through those pages while making sure to be in a safe space and to have outs around me.  I can not reread those pages now that I know what is there and I can’t watch those parts of movies.    However I do not expect the books or movies to be changed to take those parts out.  I do not want the rest of the world who feel this adds to the richness of the story to have to lose that just for me.  In this case the good of the one is not more important than the good of the many.  I have a problem, I can find ways to deal with it and I have.   I hope I have explained well enough what I mean by snowflake and how I do think we should help people with real problems while asking people who simply want the world to accommodate only them to please let the world live their lives also.   If not please tell me and I will try to reword it.  Thanks.

I would like to step back and address one thing at this time.   There has been much talk of trigger warnings.  I think they are both a good thing for some people while at the same time I think they should not be required or mandated.  Here is my reasoning.   It is nice for me to know if a story I am about to read or watch will show sexual or physical abuse.  I can take actions from preparing myself to see it, deal with it, or to avoid the material all together.   However just because you get a warning it doesn’t mean you have real understanding of what will be shown or described.  Plus if you miss the warning it won’t do you any good anyway.  For an example my son had starting to watch a show on the TV.  I came into the living room and decided to watch it with him.  He never thought it out and I did not know what was coming.  The program showed in graphic detail the rape and sexual abuse of a child.  They just splashed it out on screen.  My son realized I was in the room and tried to get the thing off the TV.  He was too late.  I was freaking out.  I had a heck of a time after.  But a lot of people would freak with that type of material thrown at them while they are unprepared.  It was what the show people wanted for a response.   I just get more affected than others who were not abused would.  A warning wouldn’t have done me any good nor did my son know that would be in the show to warn me.  So I think these trigger warnings have a place in our society but I don’t think they should be mandatory nor depended on to solve all triggering problems.

Let me sum this long post up by returning to what we started with, the punching of some one based on their ideas.  I wouldn’t think this needed debate.  The answer is no, you shouldn’t ever punch or use violence against someone for their thoughts or positions.   No matter how much you disagree or think what they are endorsing is disgusting as long as it is an idea and not an action you can not, you should not, use force on another person.  Yes white supremacist and fascist ideas are repugnant, but as long as they are simply ideas and not actions then no you can’t punch them.   Here is why.  If I can punch someone or hurt someone who has ideas I dislike and think horrible, that gives others who think what I believe and do is horrible and they dislike it, to punch me.   IF a white nationalist can be punched for being that, then they can punch gay or non-white people as they think the same things about them.  It simply lets violence loose on everyone and ends all attempts to move the society to a more progressive place.  Also it forces others to defend the ones who got punched and I hate to have to defend a racist bigot.

Thank you.  Hugs

February 8, 2017

The Travesties Done in Your Name and Mine | The Resistance with Keith Olbermann | GQ – YouTube

Filed under: Bigotry, Children, Harm, Health, News, Political, Questions, Religion — Scottie @ 20:38

February 6, 2017

Trump: Any Negative Polls Are Fake News – Joe.My.God.

Filed under: Asshole / Jerk, Harm, News, Political, Questions — Scottie @ 20:56

What an ego drive delusional racist low intellect vermin this tRump is.  Hugs

Source: Trump: Any Negative Polls Are Fake News – Joe.My.God.

February 3, 2017

Exclusive: Trump to focus counter-extremism program solely on Islam – sources | Reuters

Filed under: Asshole / Jerk, Bigotry, Criminal, Harm, News, Political, Questions, Religion — Scottie @ 01:21

I would say they want to take any heat off the white nationalist racist that are connected to Bannon and supported tRump for president.  They are so bigoted they think only Muslims can do terror, and white people only commit crime.  That is why they label things the way they do.  Then after a few years of only reporting Terror acts committed by Islamic Muslims they can insist that the record proves the only terrorists are those same Islamic Muslims.   Weird how that would work to the favor of a bigoted white house and president.  They basically want us to turn a blind eye to what we know is happening to endorse a lie made on the back of racial prejudice.  Hugs

The Trump administration wants to revamp and rename a U.S. government program designed to counter all violent ideologies so that it focuses solely on Islamist extremism, five people briefed on the matter told Reuters.

Source: Exclusive: Trump to focus counter-extremism program solely on Islam – sources | Reuters

Got sick twice

Filed under: Family, Harm, Health, My Life and Rants — Scottie @ 01:14

This is not the post I had planned to write.   Infact I was planning to write a cute cat post complete with the pictures.   However life decided I should tell you about the other important activities I had today.   To tell the story correctly I need to go back to Wednesday morning, then back almost two years ago.   

Wednesday morning:  Ron came home from working two 12 hour night shifts in a row.  He had gotten a bonus a month ago and it was saved in the account.  It was substantial. He was saving it for new appliances for our new kitchen.  I felt he should get something for himself though.   He never buys anything really for himself, except needed clothing.   Yet he is so generous with me and even others who need things.   

We got married on 1-12-2015.  An incredible grand thing.  As ill as I had become I was floating in heaven.     So Ron announced in mid February he wanted to get me a new phone.   I felt it was a good time to mention to him I would like a new IPad also.  We went to our phone provider where a really nice cute gay young man informed us quietly that if we waited until the end of March we could get both of these things at a much reduced sale price.  With the sale we could get an Ipad and the phone for what the phone would cost.   So we went home and Ron thought.   My birthday was in mid march.  He knew I used my pad a lot, I did not go anywhere without it.   My IPad was a wi-fi only 16 gb.  Ron felt I needed more as I used it all the time, and when no wi-fi was available I would go through my phone as a hot spot.  We really did not research the pads or the phone, we just felt what we wanted.  So at the end of March we went and got me an IPhone 6 Plus and an IPad Air 2 64 GB air and wi-fi capable.   Both cost extra as they were top of their respective lines.  We really did not think it through as we have everything in the clouds and so I did not need the higher storage amount.  Plus as my new phone had a hot spot I did not have to pay extra for like my old phone so I did not need the air part.  It would have cost us half the amount.  But Ron had saved and he wanted me to have something really nice.  In the almost 2 years I have had them I have loved both immensely.   Like I said I took both with me anywhere I went.  I gave Ron my old IPad.  I had been trying for years to get him to get an Ipad, but he refused saying he had no need for one and wouldn’t use it.   Then when he had my old one he started to use it and fell in love with the IPad.  He really used it a lot for someone who did not want one.  I tried hard to talk him into getting a new one but he always refused.  I thought the big price tag of mine was bothering him and I was correct.  I told him we could get him one that was only what we needed for $400.   He still wouldn’t budge, he was going to use the money for things we needed.  Well over the weekend I reminded him he couldn’t get the updates on the old pad and that he used it for his banking and bill paying.   That plus all the other reasons I gave him worked.  He agreed to go to the local apple store and get an IPad.   

Fast forward to last Wednesday.   He came home after stopping to get me soda, and asked me to wake him at 1 and we would go get his new IPad.  We went to the store and bought him a new IPad Air 2.  We also got him a really great case with a built in keyboard.  It snaps in and has a magnetic strip to lock the pad into position and charges from the IPad through the magnetic lock.  While we were there I asked him if I could have one also.  Ron said he would like to take his home and check it out first.  I said OK as I felt he was stressed out over spending over $500 on himself.  Well that night we both decided the keyboard was grand and we would go out the next day and get me one.  The one Ron got was a Logitech Canvas for $99.  So I looked online and found a local store that had a logitech Keyboard case for that price.  We thought it was the same so we went right out and bought it.  It was not the same at all.  It did not snap in, it slipped out of the case if not kept closed or locked, it did not charge from the Ipad but had to be plugged in.  I was almost in tears.  Ron said not to worry we would get up early Thursday morning and go to the Apple store and get the correct one.  Ron said that if I could handle it we also would go to several other stores to get things I wanted that we had not had time to go to yet.  So we got up and rushed down to the Apple store.  We went in and we couldn’t find the keyboard case at all.  They had them for all other makes except the Air 2.  We asked a worker and he said that they did not sell them at the store anymore but he checked for us and they were sold online at the online Apple Store.  I said OK.  We left planning to go home and look them up and buy one.

We went to the next store I wanted to go to.  I did suggest we go eat as neither of us had eaten breakfast.  However Ron was bent on getting me to these stores and pushed on.  I was feeling more poorly as we walked the store.  I was starting to get nauseous, confused, and  dizzy.  Then as we started to go to the registers I got really ill.  By the time we were being cashed out I was stumbling, sweating profusely, and thought I would pass out.  The cashier looked at me and got worried and asked if I was OK, I said no.  Ron looked up and got worried, I was pale white.  Ron knew instantly what had happened.  He took charge.  He told her I was diabetic and my sugar had crashed.  I had never had it happen this fast.  I was going to vomit any second, and started to sit down on the floor.  Ron reached over and grabbed a bag of sugar candies and ripped it open and had me eat a couple and then suck on a third one.   By the time we had finished checking out I was feel well enough I did not feel like I would fall or was going to vomit.  By the time we got to the car I was feel well again.  I have had low and high blood sugar before, but never has it happened in what seemed so fast a time frame.  I had been slowly feeling worse.  But the last few minutes I went from uncomfortable to really sick fast.  Too fast for me to do anything to help my self.   So Ron decided to take us for food right away as my sugar was going to rebound, and roller coaster from low to high back to low and repeat. 

So we stopped at a local chain restaurant ( Bob Evans ) and then came home.  I had to go to bed as now my sugar was going too high, making me very drowsy.  Ron went to bed with me as he had not slept much the night before and he is use to being up all night and sleeping during the day.  I had been up all night as I have been having trouble sleeping lately. However after laying there for hours I got up as my pain wouldn’t let me sleep.  Ron kept sleeping.  After a short time up at the computer I got feeling ill again.  Suddenly with only seconds warning I was projectile vomiting.  I was trying to turn to the left away from the desk, so I got the monitor in front of me then the desk and everything on it to the left, and then the floor, door to the office and myself.  I quickly cleaned off the monitor and then went to the bedroom to change.  I was pretty shaken and weak.  I was breathing bad among other signs something was wrong.   Ron woke up as I tried to change and asked what was wrong.  I told him and he got up and as I changed he cleaned up the entire office and my desk.  I came back and offered to help but he did the entire thing.  Yes he is grand and wonderful.  

So that was my day.  I got nothing done.  I did not get my keyboard, I did not get it ordered online as we had planned leaving the Apple Store.  I did not get my emails read.  I did not read the blogs of the many people I love online, I also did not get to read any comments on blogs I had read and commented on.   I did get to a few tweets and it was easier to retweet than to do the blogs that I felt I couldn’t give my best to.  So now before I get to the email and blogs I have to investigate online for IPad air 2 keyboards and order the one I want.  I should just go to bed.  Ron made supper after he got up, we ate about 9 PM.  He felt I needed to eat and he made a wonderful pork steak with ranch dressing and seasonings.  He also made halved whole potatoes with dark mushroom gravy.  He added extra mushrooms as he knows I love them.  He has gone back to bed.     I have to do laundry in the morning so Ron can go back to bed, he works a three night shifts in a row.  Everyone know I love you and want to get to your blogs as soon as I can tomorrow afternoon.   Be well, be happy, be safe.   Hugs

 

January 31, 2017

Trump Fires Attorney General For Defiance On Muslim Ban – YouTube

Filed under: Bigotry, Harm, News, Political, Questions, Reason — Scottie @ 22:19

This short video shows how the executive order has parts that are clearly not legal and that tRump is in violation of 5 court orders.   If you question what the Ag did and what tRump is trying to do please watch this video.  Hugs

January 30, 2017

Steve “Wormtongue” Bannon Makes Power Play To Isolate Trump – YouTube

Filed under: Asshole / Jerk, Bigotry, Harm, News, Political, Questions, Religion — Scottie @ 22:24

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