March 17, 2017
March 9, 2017
March 2, 2017
February 27, 2017
*edited this to correct the months that I was out of school. It was some time in the earliest part of spring because the old snow was trying to melt away, and I was taken out of school not to return until we moved twice.* Hugs
No one wants to hear what I have to say about this. No one wants to hear me rant and rave. I don’t want to use words that I need to express my anger at this. Remember when in the late 1960’s when the people I lived with were accused of abuse of myself, they simply moved. I have told the story before how they moved twice in the spring to mid summer. I was taken out of school and did not return until we were in a completely different town and school system. SO here is an excerpt from the article. Hugs.
To avoid the social services, the education system and doctors, the parents moved to another province. After a few more years of pain, isolation, starvation and a lack of sufficient medical treatment, Alex died. Now, both of the parents have been convicted to life in prison for first degree murder. Justice has been served, but it was too late for Alex and his life could have been saved by the system years before if it was not because of the decision of a judge to give him back to his parents. Later investigations would reveal that the parents had gotten another child taken from them earlier and another infant that had died under mysterious circumstances.
They denied that he had diabetes, kept him isolated and starved him for years.
February 24, 2017
I would like to share with you more of my morning routine. My routine is important to me and if rush to do something else I get all flustered. I often forget things if I don’t stay with my routine. I tend to be out of sorts for sometime.
So I left off basically at getting my shower and leaving the bedroom. I go to my office, turn on the computers, lights, open the blinds. I then feed the cats treats as they are meowing at me, and each one is on their sides of my desk. Milo next to the monitors, and Odie in the alcove. I have small towels down so they know where to lay and do not try to crowd me. If I do not put the towels down they creep closer to my hands , closer to the equipment. I then go to the open concept kitchen / living room. I start my coffee. I open all the blinds. I get a couple sodas from the refrigerator. I return to my office.
I should explain the lay out. It sounds like I am moving down hallways and stuff, which is not so. When we bought the place we loved the design of the home. It was an older home but seemed in good shape. We knew the owners, who had only been in the home a couple years. They portrayed themselves as extremely moral christians. We spent a lot of time with them and enjoyed their company. So we were both surprised and dismayed to find out they lied to us. The house was not sound. It had massive water damage, mold in the walls, failing pipes, rotten floors. After a couple years of trying to fix things piecemeal and stay ahead of each crisis Ron decided the only way to get ahead was to gut the whole place and rebuild it. We did not see much problems. Ron had the skills and we had the money to do it. Then after gutting the place and pulling up the floors, taking out all the walls, redoing the pipes and electric things changed. We lost a large chunk of our income. I got very ill and my medical cost soared. We also took in someone who needed a home who had no income and way to survive without us. The repairs ground to a halt. We lived this way for a few years. Now things are again returning to a more normal status. Ron and James put down floors, built new bathrooms, set up walls. So here is the new layout for the kitchen / living room / my office. Ron left the kitchen / living room open with no dividers. It works best for me the less walls and hallways I have to go around. My office has a door on an angle to the the open living room / kitchen. Basically my door way is in the middle of both rooms. Ron did this deliberately so I would be part of the household, and interact with others.
Back to my morning routine. I now start my daily computer tasks. I first set the second computer I use to watch news and movies / videos and other things on. I normally start with a semi news and comedy program, from there I move to several news stations. Then on my main computer I open Twitter and do a dozen or so tweets. Then I open my blog home page and start to answer the comments. The comments are very important to me. I love them. I try to answer each one. At this point I use to go to a bunch of comic pages I like and get chuckles out of. However I rarely do that now as I have a lot of blogs I love that I get emails from about comments and new posts. So because I sometimes don’t feel up to being on the computer or have doctors appointments I have gotten way behind on them. What I prefer to do is have a list of bookmarked sites of fellow bloggers I really enjoy. I use to just go down the list, read all the new posts and comment on them. I prefer to do my reading and blogging this way. Until I get my email backlog knocked down I now start by opening my email and reading each one, using them to go to the posts and comments I have missed.
So that is my morning routine and basicly my day. Today my computer time will be interrupted. I did not get to my computer until 11 AM. Then about 1 PM I have to wake Ron ( Ron worked a 12 hour shift last night and I was in too much pain to sleep until after 3 AM ) to take me to the hospital outpatient lab for a urine test. The doctors are worried about my liver with the meds I was on. My primary wants me to take less pain meds, which I can’t do. My pain doctors want my primary care to put me on sugar meds that do not strain my liver, which she doesn’t want to do. I am in the middle and having to do lots of blood and urine tests.
This is my day, almost every day. It is my routine and I like it. Be well. Hugs
February 13, 2017
I will blog later. Right now getting ready for another doctor’s appointment. Last monday had my shots. Friday had the MRI. Today primary care to again address blood tests, organ issues, meds, and of course quality of life. I know she is going to want more blood tests as the meds they had me on were damaging my kidneys and my liver. They found it after three months of damage. Now they changed the meds, but are trying to see if they return to being OK or there was permanent damage. Off I go. I will have my pad so maybe with the new keyboard I can blog or do email. Hugs
February 10, 2017
Well let’s start at the beginning which is really last night. I was unable to sleep all night. I was having muscle spasms in both feet and calves in both legs but mostly the left.. It comes from the spine, which is sending signals for the muscles to contract. The solution is to take muscle relaxers to relax both the muscles in spasm and the muscles in the back especially those next to the spine. So last night I would lay down and three minutes later the clenching spasms in my feet and legs would drive me from the bed to stand and shuffle walk. This happened all night. I took the muscle relaxers. Then took more, Then took far more. Then at 5 AM I remembered I still had some of the really good medication that the state legislators made a law preventing my doctors from using. It works far better than anything else prescribed for muscle spasms. I use to take it full time. Now that my doctors by law can’t use it they have been trying different medications that are not as good. So I took one. By 5:30 AM the muscles had calmed down and I was finally able to stay in bed. I had set my alarm for 7:30 AM as I had a MRI this morning. I slept right through the alarm. I woke up at 9 which was OK. I did my morning “get ready for the day” preparations. Then knowing that I couldn’t have any muscle cramps in the MRI I took another of the really good medication.
I was in a lot of pain by the time we got to the MRI place. So as we sat waiting I took some pain pills. This was in addition to the normal “first thing in the morning” pain medication I take. So I was very heavily medicated by the time they took me back to the MRI. I have had many MRI’s and never had a problem. I am not claustrophobic and the tight tubes have never caused any trouble. I normally spend the time thinking of the small stories I create in my head to entertain myself. I was not expecting any problems this time.
I was wrong, Oh so very wrong!
I changed and they took me to the machine. I laid down and then as the pain started I realized we would have a problem. I explained to them that I had been having muscle spasms and if it happened inside the MRI they would have to pull me out. They said they couldn’t do that. I told them they sure would. I was already in pain and now realized I would have to stay motionless in the MRI, I had forgotten that. I need to move a lot, to keep changing the pressure points on the bones and to ease the muscles. I had an unsupported space between my back and the table, I had my knees in a foam mold and a weight on the bad knee they were to scan. Remember I have decaying and damaged vertebrae along with problems with the disc material between the vertebrae. Both of these cause damage to the nerves in the channel in the spine. In my left hip I have a fracture and a collapsed hip joint from Avascular necrosis. Plus the damage to the knee that I hurt when I fell. Within minutes I was in severe pain. This test was to take 30 minutes and within minutes of the start I was already in agony. I couldn’t move to relieve myself in any way. My arms were not inside the machine and I was moving them from my chest to straight up to help my mind control the pain. They told me to stop moving my arms.
My pain level rose until I couldn’t think or hardly breath. I ran through every method I knew to help with pain. I was losing the battle. I was starting to cry. I was forcing my self to stay as still as possible and letting the agony eat me alive. I have felt pain that intense only in my childhood sexual abuse. The actions taken against me caused me such pain I can’t describe. At least then I could move some to try to relive the pain, I could struggle and move some. Then after it had happened more times and kept happening for years, my body found ways to deal with it, to try to relax the part that was invaded and harmed. There was no way I could stop it, it was going to happen despite anything I tried to do, all I could do was make it hurt less if possible. My body found ways to make it less painful, less harmful, while my mind simply went to other places so I wouldn’t have to deal with or face what was happening. In the MRI I needed my mind to stay as I needed to control my body to not move as it desperately needed to. I was starting to flash back and I had to use all my strength and control not to let go.
I was going to describe what I was talking about and then when I tried to type it I just can’t do it. I am struggling to write this as it is and as it is not a critical part of this story I don’t see subjecting my self and you to the full in your face descriptions of actions you can figure out your self is needed. It hurts me to think of it, and it hurts worse to tell of it. It basically puts me back there in the time and place when it happened.
They stopped the test for a minute with 8 minutes left . They had noticed my distress and the tears on my face and warned me to keep my arms still. I informed them of my pain, my current medical problems, and asked if I could move to reduce the pain. They said no. I either stopped the test now, or they needed me to remain where I was. I felt trapped and losing hope. Later Ron was upset when he heard all this and seen me when I came out, he said he would have stopped the test, but they wouldn’t have let him in anyway. So back in the MRI I told them to continue. Well after the first part of the 8 minute test was done I informed them to stop, they had one more slice to do and I told them no, I with drew permission for the test or what ever it took. I was flashing in my head to a bad place, I was in pain I can’t describe. I have broken bones and had exposed nerves that never hurt like this. I have driven nails through my hands , nearly cut off a big toe, and had my finger slammed in a car door and it still was not anywhere near as much pain as I was in right then. I can handle pain, I live with it. However after nearly 30 minutes of unrelenting agony I was done. I reached the end of my rope. They stopped the test.
I needed help to get up off the table. I was not able to on my own and they couldn’t bring my cane in to the room. Then when I stood I could only use one leg. The left was useless and in pain. So this thin 98 pound woman offered to help me. I was scared to put any weight on her but I had to a little. I scrunched my way to the door and my cane. Then slowly dressed, calmed down, took some medications. Then they escorted me back to waiting room to see Ron. When we got home Ron made me lunch and remarked I looked stoned. I was. Not only stoned from all the medications, 2 kinds of morphines, Baclofen muscle relaxers, Soma muscle relaxers, tramadol, ibuprofen to name the pain medications. Plus a good old trip down the childhood abuse memory lane. I was simply stunned. Ron decided we both needed to go to bed. Ron made it all as well as he could for me. I fell in to a deep sleep, and only woke up when my alarm went off that I set to bring Ron his coffee on work nights.
Well thank you for reading. I wish the best to you and your families. Many hugs, Scottie
February 8, 2017
February 3, 2017
This is not the post I had planned to write. Infact I was planning to write a cute cat post complete with the pictures. However life decided I should tell you about the other important activities I had today. To tell the story correctly I need to go back to Wednesday morning, then back almost two years ago.
Wednesday morning: Ron came home from working two 12 hour night shifts in a row. He had gotten a bonus a month ago and it was saved in the account. It was substantial. He was saving it for new appliances for our new kitchen. I felt he should get something for himself though. He never buys anything really for himself, except needed clothing. Yet he is so generous with me and even others who need things.
We got married on 1-12-2015. An incredible grand thing. As ill as I had become I was floating in heaven. So Ron announced in mid February he wanted to get me a new phone. I felt it was a good time to mention to him I would like a new IPad also. We went to our phone provider where a really nice cute gay young man informed us quietly that if we waited until the end of March we could get both of these things at a much reduced sale price. With the sale we could get an Ipad and the phone for what the phone would cost. So we went home and Ron thought. My birthday was in mid march. He knew I used my pad a lot, I did not go anywhere without it. My IPad was a wi-fi only 16 gb. Ron felt I needed more as I used it all the time, and when no wi-fi was available I would go through my phone as a hot spot. We really did not research the pads or the phone, we just felt what we wanted. So at the end of March we went and got me an IPhone 6 Plus and an IPad Air 2 64 GB air and wi-fi capable. Both cost extra as they were top of their respective lines. We really did not think it through as we have everything in the clouds and so I did not need the higher storage amount. Plus as my new phone had a hot spot I did not have to pay extra for like my old phone so I did not need the air part. It would have cost us half the amount. But Ron had saved and he wanted me to have something really nice. In the almost 2 years I have had them I have loved both immensely. Like I said I took both with me anywhere I went. I gave Ron my old IPad. I had been trying for years to get him to get an Ipad, but he refused saying he had no need for one and wouldn’t use it. Then when he had my old one he started to use it and fell in love with the IPad. He really used it a lot for someone who did not want one. I tried hard to talk him into getting a new one but he always refused. I thought the big price tag of mine was bothering him and I was correct. I told him we could get him one that was only what we needed for $400. He still wouldn’t budge, he was going to use the money for things we needed. Well over the weekend I reminded him he couldn’t get the updates on the old pad and that he used it for his banking and bill paying. That plus all the other reasons I gave him worked. He agreed to go to the local apple store and get an IPad.
Fast forward to last Wednesday. He came home after stopping to get me soda, and asked me to wake him at 1 and we would go get his new IPad. We went to the store and bought him a new IPad Air 2. We also got him a really great case with a built in keyboard. It snaps in and has a magnetic strip to lock the pad into position and charges from the IPad through the magnetic lock. While we were there I asked him if I could have one also. Ron said he would like to take his home and check it out first. I said OK as I felt he was stressed out over spending over $500 on himself. Well that night we both decided the keyboard was grand and we would go out the next day and get me one. The one Ron got was a Logitech Canvas for $99. So I looked online and found a local store that had a logitech Keyboard case for that price. We thought it was the same so we went right out and bought it. It was not the same at all. It did not snap in, it slipped out of the case if not kept closed or locked, it did not charge from the Ipad but had to be plugged in. I was almost in tears. Ron said not to worry we would get up early Thursday morning and go to the Apple store and get the correct one. Ron said that if I could handle it we also would go to several other stores to get things I wanted that we had not had time to go to yet. So we got up and rushed down to the Apple store. We went in and we couldn’t find the keyboard case at all. They had them for all other makes except the Air 2. We asked a worker and he said that they did not sell them at the store anymore but he checked for us and they were sold online at the online Apple Store. I said OK. We left planning to go home and look them up and buy one.
We went to the next store I wanted to go to. I did suggest we go eat as neither of us had eaten breakfast. However Ron was bent on getting me to these stores and pushed on. I was feeling more poorly as we walked the store. I was starting to get nauseous, confused, and dizzy. Then as we started to go to the registers I got really ill. By the time we were being cashed out I was stumbling, sweating profusely, and thought I would pass out. The cashier looked at me and got worried and asked if I was OK, I said no. Ron looked up and got worried, I was pale white. Ron knew instantly what had happened. He took charge. He told her I was diabetic and my sugar had crashed. I had never had it happen this fast. I was going to vomit any second, and started to sit down on the floor. Ron reached over and grabbed a bag of sugar candies and ripped it open and had me eat a couple and then suck on a third one. By the time we had finished checking out I was feel well enough I did not feel like I would fall or was going to vomit. By the time we got to the car I was feel well again. I have had low and high blood sugar before, but never has it happened in what seemed so fast a time frame. I had been slowly feeling worse. But the last few minutes I went from uncomfortable to really sick fast. Too fast for me to do anything to help my self. So Ron decided to take us for food right away as my sugar was going to rebound, and roller coaster from low to high back to low and repeat.
So we stopped at a local chain restaurant ( Bob Evans ) and then came home. I had to go to bed as now my sugar was going too high, making me very drowsy. Ron went to bed with me as he had not slept much the night before and he is use to being up all night and sleeping during the day. I had been up all night as I have been having trouble sleeping lately. However after laying there for hours I got up as my pain wouldn’t let me sleep. Ron kept sleeping. After a short time up at the computer I got feeling ill again. Suddenly with only seconds warning I was projectile vomiting. I was trying to turn to the left away from the desk, so I got the monitor in front of me then the desk and everything on it to the left, and then the floor, door to the office and myself. I quickly cleaned off the monitor and then went to the bedroom to change. I was pretty shaken and weak. I was breathing bad among other signs something was wrong. Ron woke up as I tried to change and asked what was wrong. I told him and he got up and as I changed he cleaned up the entire office and my desk. I came back and offered to help but he did the entire thing. Yes he is grand and wonderful.
So that was my day. I got nothing done. I did not get my keyboard, I did not get it ordered online as we had planned leaving the Apple Store. I did not get my emails read. I did not read the blogs of the many people I love online, I also did not get to read any comments on blogs I had read and commented on. I did get to a few tweets and it was easier to retweet than to do the blogs that I felt I couldn’t give my best to. So now before I get to the email and blogs I have to investigate online for IPad air 2 keyboards and order the one I want. I should just go to bed. Ron made supper after he got up, we ate about 9 PM. He felt I needed to eat and he made a wonderful pork steak with ranch dressing and seasonings. He also made halved whole potatoes with dark mushroom gravy. He added extra mushrooms as he knows I love them. He has gone back to bed. I have to do laundry in the morning so Ron can go back to bed, he works a three night shifts in a row. Everyone know I love you and want to get to your blogs as soon as I can tomorrow afternoon. Be well, be happy, be safe. Hugs
January 9, 2017
Hello everyone. I was asked to keep a few people updated with my latest results when the doctor went over them with me. This is the easiest way to tell a lot of people at one time. If you would rather not hear about my current medical situation, please know you can skip this post and I won’t be upset at all. In fact we were talking in the office and they felt my attitude when I come in was rather wonderful. I don’t complain, I am reasonable, I am not into pity or sympathy seeking. I am interested in their lives and what is going on with them. I feel everyone has bad stuff in their life and they don’t need to be bludgeoned by mine also. I could live my life making my pain and medical problems be my entire focus of life, or I can live my life making the grand happy things I experience the things I focus on. I know my condition is only going to get worse, so why not take joy in the good things I have now. For example I have a wonderful husband who treats me as a princess. I have no responsibilities other than what I choose to have. I have plenty of food, I have shelter, I have clothing, I have toys, I have internet, I have friends, I have my fur family of my cats. Ron takes me anywhere I want to go, he handles all the things in my life that stresses me. So why should I dwell on the bad when in truth I have it so good.
Now on to the doctors visit. As I mentioned I finally got the X-Rays the doctor had been wanting me to get. Turns out she explained I had fractured my left hip, I had avascular necrosis in my left hip with the head being compressed. I had also damaged my knee and had fluid build up and arthritis. Not sure what kind of arthritis. I also had a deformed vertebrae with a damaged nerve and worsening arthritis. So this is what the doctor wants me to do. I now have to add another doctor to my list. I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon. My doctor wants to have me evaluated to have my hip replaced. I think it far too early. I know on my right hip which I also lost due to avascular necrosis, I was diagnosed with it in 1996. I had a core decompression done and spent two and 1/2 years in a wheelchair to try to save the bone. They found out core decompressions don’t work at all. However they did not replace the right hip until the bone was entirely decayed. So it was not until seven years later in 2004 that I got a total hip replacement on my right leg. I figured I would have some more years left to go but she wants me evaluated now. I have to have a MRI on the knee to let the new Orthopedic doctor know what to tell me to do. The spine I don’t know what they are going to do, I am not sure if they will want another x-ray set on that. She said she would leave it up to the new doctor. I also got put on a new medication called cymbalta. Cymbalta is one of Eli Lilly’s top-selling drugs, used for treating depression, anxiety, and bone and muscle pain. I was thinking of a PRN medication to take as needed but she wanted me on it full time, twice a day. It also will help with my fibromyalgia. Now as to the shots I get. I think I got 18 this time. I say 18 because I lost count but was still getting them after I counted 16. I just don’t know how many after that. My doctor forgot to tell me the number and I forgot to ask. I felt relief within 15 minutes. So poor Ron who had worked three 12 hour night shifts in a row, came home and got 2 hours sleep then had to take me to the doctors. He slept in the van while I was seen. Then as he usually does he took me out for lunch to sort of make up for the pain of the shots. So I feel better, full for a while, and Ron is in bed until five when I have to get him. The shot will cause me to be hungry for a few days. I have to get all new blood work and urine tests tomorrow morning, and then see my primary care on Thursday the 12th. Hugs