Scotties Toy Box

March 25, 2017

Startling Statistics: Child sexual abuse and what the church can begin doing about it | Religion News Service

Filed under: Ideas, My Life and Rants, opinion, Questions, Religion — Scottie @ 10:38

I read a post on Violetwisp’s blog.  https://violetwisp.wordpress.com/2017/03/24/religion-is-harmless/ .  It started with a post by Ark.  https://attaleuntold.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/oh-for-gods-sake-religion-does-no-harm-oh-really/ .  I think this is an important topic.  I agree with Ark on this, however I am not saying all religious people are deliberately bad or “evil”.  I think the institutions of religion by their natures can not help but affect everything they try to do with some amount of negativity.  Even religious groups trying to do great things like feed people who are hungry and clothe people and arrange for homeless children to be placed with loving qualified parents are poisoned by being done by religious organizations.   This is why I say this, if a person without food is required to listen to a sermon that may not agree with their views just to receive the food it is coercion.  If you have to agree with the dogma of a religion to receive the clothing you need, it is wrong.  If a child is denied a loving family, a qualified home because a religious group discriminates against possible parents based on their religious criteria is criminal in my view.

So this is why I say that even when trying to do good works, if it involves a religion it is soured.  The same good actions can be and in fact should be done by secular humans caring for other humans.   Thanks.   Hugs

Source: Startling Statistics: Child sexual abuse and what the church can begin doing about it | Religion News Service

Excerpt Below:

Other studies have found that sexual abusers within faith communities have more victims and younger victims. This disturbing truth is perhaps best illustrated by the words of a convicted child molester who told Dr. Salter,

I considered church people easy to fool…they have a trust that comes from being Christians. They tend to be better folks all around and seem to want to believe in the good that exists in people.

Besides sending shockwaves down your spine, why is it critical for those within the faith community to be aware of these statistics?

If approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men have been sexually abuse as children (an even a more conservative statistic than that provided by Dr. Russell), this means that our churches are filled with abuse survivors. For example, [tweetable]a church of 200 members (100 women and 100 men) will have at least 41 child sexual abuse survivors…20.5%![/tweetable] Yet, sexual abuse is still too seldom talked about inside our churches.

March 19, 2017

Makes sense to me. Hugs

Filed under: Atheism, Ideas, meme, Questions, Reason, Religion — Scottie @ 09:51

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iamatheistgirl:
“#atheist #atheists #atheism #atheistrollcall #atheistsofinstagram #atheistcommunity #antitheist #religionpoisonseverything #freedomfromreligion #heathens #nonbeliever #militantatheist #godless #nogod #agnostic #freethinker...

 

March 12, 2017

The way we treat others matters

Filed under: Ideas, Reason, Stories, Thanks, Things I like — Tags: , — Scottie @ 20:54

I had someone who I really care about send me the following story.   When I read it I had tears in my eyes.   I know for a fact that the way you are treated during the day can change your mood and how you react and deal with others.  This has happened to me some years ago while dealing with the public.  I would start in a good mood, and then encounter someone who was angry or disagreeable.   Then my own mood would sour.  Often if I was in a sour mood I would encounter someone happy and upbeat and I would catch the mood and adopt it also.   Now I try to be the upbeat happy person.  I want to be the one who helps other people have a good day.   I never want to be a stumbling block that prevents anyone having a good day.  I never want to cause anyone to have a bad mood.   I never want to hurt anyone.   I have codes I live my life by, we all do.  I have no desire to ruin someone’s day, so I try to never take my pain or problems out on someone else, I try to always be positive with others, I try to help any I meet that needs assistance if I can.  I treat others with respect.   Please keep this in mind when you read the following story.   Think of the people in your life when you read it.  Be well.  Hugs 

The Story of Kyle

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before, but we talked all the way home, and I carried his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.

We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.

On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach — but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life.

March 6, 2017

How BBC films the night side of Planet Earth – YouTube

Filed under: Animals, History, Ideas, Nature, News — Scottie @ 09:37

February 21, 2017

Taking a Seat, Making a Stand. – YouTube

Filed under: Gender, Ideas, Political, Reason — Scottie @ 13:05

February 9, 2017

To do or not to do

Before I start my day of reading blogs and answering emails, I wish to address an issue that has me somewhat confused.  On several blogs I follow there has been a running discussion about the progressive left and the regressive left.   I did not realize this was a major topic of discussion as I assumed the left was simply the party that wanted the best things for people.  Yes I knew there was some disagreement on how to pay for the many programs the people on the left felt were needed, however I did not realize how big a divide the issues have become.

I started noticing this about the time the white supremacist Spencer was punched in the face.  The debate was on if the people on the political left should punch people they did not like in the face.  I figured this was so simple a question that no one would need a second guess.   However there was an outcry with the different sides throwing out terms like SJW and SNOWFLAKE with the occasional NAZI.  Now I did not realize how much division the sjw and snowflake labels caused.   I have to admit I am some what hazy on just what is a social justice warrior and I have no desire to needlessly harm others if they are in a sensitive or hurt possition.   I care about people.   Now I will address snowflake more in a minute.

I once was accused of being a sjw and I felt honored.  I did not know the term and it took some people I really trust to inform me that the term was not used as a complement but an insult.  I wondered why?  I thought fighting for others who were maybe disadvantaged and unable to stand up for themselves was an  honorable thing.  The term brought to my mind some hero trying to make things better, defending the weak and protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves.  I guess others felt my idea was simplistic and wrong.

I guess the way people use the term SJW is someone tilting at windmills and creating a problem where one doesn’t exist.  I am still not sure as to what a sjw really is.  I get the feeling others think sjws inject themselves into areas that they are not needed or wanted, finding a problem where none exist.  It seems to comes with the idea that sjws are trying to force a version of restrictive social rules on to everyone even if the others around them don’t wish the restrictions.   That seems to me the opposite of what a social justice warrior should be. If this is what is meant then they need to pick a better term to use.   They are social rules dictator  or socially repressive enforcers.  I still have issues with the meanings of these things.  I still feel I am what I term a fighter for others and someone who works for and wants a better social structure.

Now the term snowflake is harder for me.  I feel in some ways snowflakes have two different categories.   The term some people use is a person who is spoiled and want the world to accommodate them unfairly.  A person who is unreasonable about insisting only their view of the world is allowed.   The other version is a person who is harmed, fragile, needing help, suffering from a past event.  I think of snowflakes as the second group.  I think of snowflakes as bunnies in a world of bigger predators who will hurt them and they have no defence.   I would defend those in the second group.  Let me explain why.  As some people know I am a survivor of long time abuse.  Sexual, physical, emotional.  I prefer not to talk about it, I hid it for most of my life until I couldn’t hide it anymore.  I am only now learning how to confront it and still dislike talking about it.  But if you go back in time on my blog you will find that years ago a psychologist treated me for issues surrounding the abuse , how it was affect my daily life and how I was dealing with it.  The psychologist concluded I was a bunny in temperament.      In his view I was not able to defend myself and needed others to do that for me.  It was weird because I was quite able to defend others and I had no problem using force to protect those who needed protecting.   However I never once asked the world to change for me.  I never asked for things that triggered me to be taken off the web, banned from the social environment or taken off any media.  I have talked before about things that trigger me, a video or show about child abuse will send me into a  really bad place where I have to deal with the memories that never seem to quite go away.  I have started to read books and been triggered into deep depressions and emotional vortex that try to destroy me.  Here is an example.  When I first started to read the Harry Potter books I had a horrible time with the beginnings of most of the books.  It was triggering to have a small boy unable to defend himself treated that way.  Even now it is very upsetting to me.  I can’t watch those parts of the movies.  I forced myself on first reading the books to quickly get through those pages while making sure to be in a safe space and to have outs around me.  I can not reread those pages now that I know what is there and I can’t watch those parts of movies.    However I do not expect the books or movies to be changed to take those parts out.  I do not want the rest of the world who feel this adds to the richness of the story to have to lose that just for me.  In this case the good of the one is not more important than the good of the many.  I have a problem, I can find ways to deal with it and I have.   I hope I have explained well enough what I mean by snowflake and how I do think we should help people with real problems while asking people who simply want the world to accommodate only them to please let the world live their lives also.   If not please tell me and I will try to reword it.  Thanks.

I would like to step back and address one thing at this time.   There has been much talk of trigger warnings.  I think they are both a good thing for some people while at the same time I think they should not be required or mandated.  Here is my reasoning.   It is nice for me to know if a story I am about to read or watch will show sexual or physical abuse.  I can take actions from preparing myself to see it, deal with it, or to avoid the material all together.   However just because you get a warning it doesn’t mean you have real understanding of what will be shown or described.  Plus if you miss the warning it won’t do you any good anyway.  For an example my son had starting to watch a show on the TV.  I came into the living room and decided to watch it with him.  He never thought it out and I did not know what was coming.  The program showed in graphic detail the rape and sexual abuse of a child.  They just splashed it out on screen.  My son realized I was in the room and tried to get the thing off the TV.  He was too late.  I was freaking out.  I had a heck of a time after.  But a lot of people would freak with that type of material thrown at them while they are unprepared.  It was what the show people wanted for a response.   I just get more affected than others who were not abused would.  A warning wouldn’t have done me any good nor did my son know that would be in the show to warn me.  So I think these trigger warnings have a place in our society but I don’t think they should be mandatory nor depended on to solve all triggering problems.

Let me sum this long post up by returning to what we started with, the punching of some one based on their ideas.  I wouldn’t think this needed debate.  The answer is no, you shouldn’t ever punch or use violence against someone for their thoughts or positions.   No matter how much you disagree or think what they are endorsing is disgusting as long as it is an idea and not an action you can not, you should not, use force on another person.  Yes white supremacist and fascist ideas are repugnant, but as long as they are simply ideas and not actions then no you can’t punch them.   Here is why.  If I can punch someone or hurt someone who has ideas I dislike and think horrible, that gives others who think what I believe and do is horrible and they dislike it, to punch me.   IF a white nationalist can be punched for being that, then they can punch gay or non-white people as they think the same things about them.  It simply lets violence loose on everyone and ends all attempts to move the society to a more progressive place.  Also it forces others to defend the ones who got punched and I hate to have to defend a racist bigot.

Thank you.  Hugs

February 6, 2017

84 Lumber Super Bowl Commercial – The Entire Journey – YouTube

Filed under: Family, History, Ideas, My Life and Rants, opinion, Political, Questions, Race — Scottie @ 11:58

Good morning.  I overslept and I am just getting started.  I really need the sleep.  This was a great video to watch first thing. It is uplifting and ends in hope.  I like hope.  I guess I am a dreamer because I look forward to a day when people mean more than boarders.  I had often hoped that the three major states in the continent would join, becoming simply one.  Canada, the US, and Mexico joined as one people.  I know it will take time.  I know people will want to keep parts of their own culture and will want respect for their heritage.  We have vastly different cultures in our own country and until recently we managed to get along.  We managed to respect each other.  We all want a future like in Star Trek.  However to get there means works.  It means give and take.  It also means reining in religions and any ideology that seeks to dominate everyone else.  I recently watched a religious leader say they needed FADA because they should be able to have their faith in the public square.    They can already do that.  They can pray in public, they can preach in public, they can gather in public.   What they can’t do it force others to do that with them.  They can’t force others to pray in public, to wear what they insist on, to listen to their preachers, to gather in their meetings.   That is the thing they want.  To force others to do as they do.  That is wrong.  They are not being persecuted, they want to persecute.  The world of peace if out there.  It can be ours if we learn to respect others.  To let other be if it is not hurting us.  To kill someone because you are worried about their soul yet willing to destroy their body, is a weird concept.  So worship what you want, celebrate the culture you want, but live in harmony with others, respect the same things in others you demand for yourself.   Hugs

February 3, 2017

TV 2 | All That We Share – YouTube

Filed under: Family, Ideas, Pictures, Questions, Reason, Things I like — Scottie @ 14:11

January 12, 2017

Melted Candle

Filed under: Ideas, My Life and Rants, Pictures, Things I like — Scottie @ 12:03

I am burning one of the candles I made and it melted down into a weird and wonderful shape.   I thought I would practice my photography using it.   I took some with the flash on, and some with the flash off.   Hope you enjoy them.  Hugs

Dragon box and ornaments

Filed under: Ideas, Love, My Life and Rants, Pictures, Talent, Thanks, Things I like — Scottie @ 12:00

We have a grand friend who is supremely talented and creative.   He has a wonderful way of making things.   He made me a cane and toy box for me, and he carved a plaque for Ron and I on our Marriage.   Today is the anniversary of our legal marriage and he sent us these awesome handmade gifts.   I don’t know how he does these intricate pieces.   He must have the world’s steadiest hands and the deepest level of patients.    Please note the dragon box that we can put an LED light in.  Those dragons are carved out of the piece of wood that surrounds them.  They are not cut out and glued in, he did them from one piece.   The same for the ornaments.   I am stunned at such a great gift.  I would have ruined so much wood trying to even get part of them correct.   Our friend has skill.   Hugs

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